Bacon to Feed the Economy

Congressional Bacon Stimulus agreement reached!
Happy Bacon day indeed!

If you work, (damn!) you'll get $300, plus $300 per child, up to $1,200 per family.

In what could be construed as election year pork re-distribution (full story)

Pelosi fell over and showed her belly once more to the lame duck administration to reach a tentative agreement on a roughly $145 billion economic stimulus package. It'll send payments to poor and middle class workers while offering businesses one-time incentives to invest in new equipment and write off tax losses.

Pelosi dared to suggest extending unemployment benefits and food stamps - and she was smacked in the nose again and forced to hold her tail between her legs, concluding that they could revisit the issue if the economy continues to slide.

Now, I'm all about getting my money back. I love it. And I would even suggest to everyone that if giving your money back to you encourages economic growth - why not try this policy a little more often? Perhaps, perhaps the government could curtail some spending on 18 different failing education programs?

However, this doesn't even seem hollow. It IS hollow. It's pandering to the 10x degree. It's pan-derific!

But how are we going to do to stimulate that dark, lonely old economy sitting in the corner of the bar, who really needs someone to buy her a drink? Here's how I'm going to go stimulate her. For $300, I'm going to give her such a stimulating that I leave it quivering and panting for breath, drops of sweat running down her spine, flush with endorphins and ready for a nice long cuddle. But because it's only $300, she isn't going to get the cuddle. Instead, I'm going to check my watch, touch the economy gently on the cheek and say that I had a wonderful time, but that it's time for me to go. I'll wash my hands and I will walk out, leaving the economy lying there feeling ultimately unfulfilled and a little bit ashamed of itself.

Happy Bacon Day!