Giving the Troops the Bird

Thanksgiving is almost here which means it will be time to inundate the airwaves with shots of our soldiers and the politicians that sent them into harm's way. Rumor amongst the civilians is that there is a pecking order of which politicians the troops would and would not want visiting. I am going to take my best guess as to who these folks may be.

George W. Bush: Kinda a no brainer but there are a few reasons to have him top the list. On his last visit to Iraq the president presented a beautiful turkey straight out of Martha's Stewart's Food for Photo Ops (image right). This was awesome except for one thing. IT WAS A PLASTIC TURKEY.

He pardons fucking turkeys. I know it is tradition but "Scooter" should be in jail. Undercover assets are important in fights against terrorists. Losing them can't sit well. Complicit cover-up certainly won't.

He's a moron. It's funny on the Daily Show watching him mangle the English language but I bet it is a lot less funny when your life depends on that scrambled brain.

Hillary Clinton: Three words: Yadda Yadda Yadda. I got ten bucks says she never sits quietly and just watches football. I got ten bucks saying she talks 50% of the time at the table. I Got ten bucks saying that if she shows me how to properly hold my fork again I will stab it in her eye.

John McCain: "Yes, Mr. McCain, we do know that you were a POW. . . I'm sure it did suck. . . Oof, no food, no water, beatings, left in a cage, solitary confinement. . . What? . . . Yea, I know exactly what you are talking about, we do it to our own prisoners now except now we call them sandniggers instead of gooks. . . . Hey, let's play the hold the breath game . . . I am sure you are very good at it, Senator."

Richard Cheney: "As a little twist, today we are going to shoot you in the face unless you stop starting wars. " The worst of them all. Knowing he is responsible for this. Knowing that he knew there were no WMD's, no AQ (then, anyway), and proceeded to hold up photos claiming that whatever we were looking for must be here because look, the face of the Virgin Mary. I don't think she was a lesbian.

I just saw this. To recruit soldiers, the military offers bonuses to join. The rumor was that they were asking for money from injured soldiers back since they did not fulfill their obligation. Today, the military clarified and it seems only the UNPAID portion of the bonus will be kept. See, fairness.