Ho No

[1] Yo-ho-ho... I didn't even have to actually hear it. I knew as soon as I saw his face on the screen that the Baseball world had already felt the first forewarning tremors of the impending eruption of Mount LouPi (LOO-pee). Oh, the layers upon layers of subtext that exist beneath the ex-jock-turned-manager's in-eloquence: "I can start to see how this team loses games!" In case you're keeping score, that was just nine games into the season.

[2] Forward, ho!... 100 years is such a nice, round number... don't you think?

[3] Oh-ho... 101 years will be a numerical palindrome.
Another palindrome: CUBS SBUC! (The second 'B' is silent.)

[4] Wagons, ho!... On the same day that the [Censored], [Unutterable], [Blasphemous] [Stool-samples] blew a five run lead (excuse me while I giggle) and lost to Cincinnati (I'm sorry... gimme just a minute...) the La-la Dodgers were bashing the Padres' brains in 9-1. I mention this just, you know, just in case you're keeping score.

[5] Gung-ho!... Speaking of the Dodgers, you might have noticed that at the end of Sunday night's nationally televised contest between L.A. and S.D. (it only seemed like nothing more than four hours of everybody from Jesse Jackson to Bud Selig and his godawful haircut blowing Jackie Robinson's ghost and then lamenting the fact that today's black athletes are choosing to get rich quick in other, lesser sports; there was actually a Baseball game going on in the background) they named Jackie Robinson the "Player of the Game." That was a nice gesture, but it overshadowed the fact that Russell Martin, Andre Ethier, Wilson Valdez and Randy Wolf went a combined 9-for-14 (.643) with three walks, a sacrifice, three doubles, a home run, five runs scored and seven runs batted in. Martin, Ethier, Valdez and Wolf were the 6, 7, 8 and 9 hitters in the Dodgers' lineup.

[6] Idaho is the Apache word for Comanche.
What does Comanche mean? I dunno.

[7] Arapaho... a specific type of Native American.
A rappa' 'ho'... a female singer of urban music.
A rap o' 'ho'... a female character in urban music.

[8] Hi-ho, hi-ho... Paul Simon once "walked around Soho for the last night or so." It had nothing to do with "a come-on from the whores on Seventh Avenue. I do declare there were times when I was so lonesome I took some comfort there, la-la-la." That, in turn, also had nothing to do with that 'ho' Mrs. Robinson... but I detect a pattern.

[9] Tally-ho... In the movie Sin City, there is a character named Miho. She is a prostitute. But then, so is just about everybody else.

[10] Ho-ho-ho... go commando!

[11] Land: Ho!... Yes, I have publicly used the word 'ho' before. It was in a piece entitled, "The Ever-increasing Stupidity of the American Sportscaster," which you will not find here because it pre-dated this little whine and cheez party. I will now quote from it: "It is not a tough road to hoe. It is a tough row to hoe-- the expression is derived from gardening. I suppose it's possible to have a tough road to 'ho', but I don't think you can say so on television." Apparently, I was right.

[12] Aloha, Don Ho.

[13] Bud Selig should get the ol' heave-ho.