Sports Thoughts by Masongil

The last anyone heard of One F* was Killre an hour before Superbowl XLI kickoff. One F was giddy with excitement at the thought of the ferocious Bears mauling the Colts. No way could a choke artist like Manning having a post-season where he throws more picks than TD's** beat my beloved Bears. How can a defense ranked so low beat the mighty Bears.***

That was a sad night.

I thought about giving up writing about sports for a while. Much like I did about politics. I also decided that top ten lists and link posts were overdone in today's blog age. That left me . . . nothing left to write about. Maybe it was time to post the image of the three-toed dog. I have lost readers (Smussy, I look at you) because of my fight to wait for the "moment." I figured lack of anything else was not a "moment." At least not one that belonged in quotes. And where would my surprise VP come from to send me over the top if I decide to run for President****? I was in a bind.

Then I gave myself an out as I am wont to do. I decided I would not post about sports until catchers and pitchers report or until Killre gives his fragile allegiance back to the Cubs. So February 14 it was. Good day. Too many flowers but still mostly a good day.

I awoke yesterday ready to go. I had patiently waited my opportunity to resume my life as a blasphemer. I had a cup of coffee, watched some CNN, laughed at the three-toed dog, yelled at neighborhood kids, and generally went on with life as it had been a few weeks earlier.

I am not going to lie and tell you I have not been preparing for a Presidential campaign. That I have not been preparing quips to use at the debates, not been writing inspirational speeches to use for announcing, the convention, etc. But all that comes with time. There is almost two years before the election and my campaign cannot afford a misstep. So back to sports it was for the time being.

I opened the paper to see what has occurred that I could write about. There was Tim Hardaway claiming that he hates fags. That's a good one. Bulls in a slump. I could back them and explain why we will have two second place teams in this city. Mmm-hmmm. Cubs stuff, blah blah blah, Killre's department. Then I saw it and I knew immediately.

I had the Blasphemer of the Month, the entire Cubs organization.

Seems our friends are going to advertise in the ivy. You know those green doors in the outfield? They are now the Under Armor doors under the Bud Light bleachers. Not even a green screen thing. Just a straight up billboard INSIDE the baseball field.

This, my friends, is the first step. And not just for the Cubs. Next, they will paint the pitching mounds and advertise right there. Need to get over the hump? Try Red Bull. They have already tried advertising on the bases. Chevy, prices so low there a steal. What about on the base paths? Lots of room there. Slide head first, you can SHOUT! it out later. Balls themselves? Who will get whacked? Sopranos at 7ET. Bats? Viagra: get wood. The numbers on the scoreboard itself, "That was a three run home run by Barrett. Put a Pizza Hut 3 on the board!!!! YES!!" Morganna: Look at those tits!*****

I myself have looked into advertising on the stadium seats themselves. Might be a good investment. Vote One F. He will keep your ass safe.




* In sports related pieces you are allowed to refer to yourself in third person.
** He is now the first quarterback to do it.
*** First non-top ten defense to win a Superbowl.
**** Exploratory committee still looking into it.
***** She was the "kissing bandit" for all you kids out there wondering where the tits are.