Alterations, Amendments, and Ameliorations

I, for a reason that I cannot explain feel the need to correct and comment on some of the items written over the past few days. I also would like use as many alliterations as possible in headlines and explanations.

Weekend Predictions:

Don't put money where my mouth is. Although I was 3-1 in my predictions I was way off in scores. I will try again this weekend and let you know (with 75% certainty) who will be playing in Superbowl 41. For the record, Mr. Manning did choke but the Colts got themselves one of them newfangled New England kickers and life just gets easier. The only game not decided by a field goal was the game which had 7 field goals made in it. Both New Orleans and Chicago squeaked one out. Good for the Bears to be at home next week, they might have a chance. Finally, you heard it here first, San Diego could not top the Patsies. Next Friday I will give you more predictable predictions predicated by a plastered and potted prognosticator. OK, I will stop now and not just because it is a little hard for me this morning.

Bellow:

When I first looked at the title of the piece I was ecstatic. I thought we were going to get the old Saul Bellow treatment. Give some props to one of the best Chicago writers that has graced the papyrus with a feather. Nope. But I will add a Bellow quote just because I was psyched for a moment:

A great deal of intelligence can be invested in ignorance when the need for illusion is deep.

Good stuff, no? If I were discussing politics still there might be a little something-something in there for me to use.

After reading the piece, I opted to do a little research into this "society" that so readily plagiarizes from our very own Blasphemes author. Maybe some good verbal shots across their bow and I could finally attain my lifelong dream of getting in a war of words with a think tank. This would be a battle I would win. Think tanks almost never resort to a "Yea, well suck it, Chachi!" as that would be my main ammunition. It's hard to rebut one of those. Just ask my wife.

So I go to the American Dialect Society's web site and I laughed my ass off. They win. They steal, sure, but they do it well. They see no point in stealing bad material and that is what makes them a society, I think. Killre is an original but they stole from a great many originals to comprise a full list. Some of the other categories and their winners were:

• Most Useful: climate canary - an organism or species whose poor health or declining numbers hint at a larger environmental catastrophe on the horizon.
• Most Unnecessary: SuriKat - TomKat's kid. The runner's up for this category are great "the decider" was the person who makes decisions for other decision-makers and "Fox lips" which is the crazy gloss and outlined lips that female Fox news anchors seem to all wear.
• Most Outrageous: Cambodian accessory - Angelina Jolie's adopted child (you see how they grew on me?). Runner-up was sudden jihad syndrome which is "an outburst of violence from a seemingly stable and normal Muslim." Also on the list was firecrotch (redheads croth), tramp stamp (tattoo on the small of a woman's back), and macaca.
• Least Likely to Succeed: grup - a Gen-Xer who does not act his age. Boo. But look at the runner-up: "stay the course." Again, if I were doing politics . . .
  

Be It Never Forgotten:

I am not doing politics so let me tell you all a little story. Jack and Jill were brother and sister. Jill had a little glass ball that she used to play "fortune teller" with her friends. Jack liked to take the ball and play "bowling for strippers." One day Jill told Jack that he could no longer play with the glass ball because his game was gross. Jack grabbed the ball and rolled it into the pond. For a little while they both pretended that they did not care. Then one day they did. And they began to aggressively look for the glass ball.

For years, friends of both Jack and Jill would keep diving into the pond looking for the glass ball. Some were bitten by snapping turtles. Some drowned. They tried lining up in a line and going across the pond together in a sweep but to no avail. Too much time had passed and the ball was likely gone forever under the moss and gunk that collects at the bottom of a pond. So Jack and Jill got as many friends as they could for one last attempt. While the friends lined up asking questions like "What should I do?" or "Should we start before it gets dark?" Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.

There. I did not say there would be no confusion. Just no politics.