What happens in Eilat stays in Eilat

OK, this ain't right. I read this article today under most unfortunate circumstances. I was eating my Lean Cuisine. After I spent the next three hours cleaning spaghetti sauce off my monitor, mouse, and keyboard I opted to share it with you, the Blasphemes faithful readers.

"British tourist Sharon Tendler has finally made her dream match - by "marrying" a dolphin she has been visiting for 15 years in the Israeli resort of Eilat, the mass-circulation Yediot Ahronot daily reported today."

For fifteen years, Ms. Tendler (I am assuming that she is a Ms.) has been cruising down to Tel Aviv a few times a year to enjoy the resort of Eilat. Once there she enjoyed the calm waters of the Gulf of Aqaba, wonderful beverages on the beach (read:desert), and visits with her concubine. After a long relationship, she fulfilled her porpoise in life and last Wednesday the two were declared husphin and wife.

"The wedding took place Wednesday, with the bride, wearing a white dress and watched by amazed spectators, walking down the dock to where the groom was waiting in the water.

She kissed him, to the cheers of the spectators and then, after the ceremony was sealed with some mackerels, was tossed into the water so she could swim away with her new husband."

I can only imagine how amazed the spectators must have been. I must admit that I am amazed to even be reading this. I am amazed that the crowd had the forethought to bring mackerals. I wonder where the two swam off to. How fast of a swimmer is she? Are they going to have little mermaids together? Is George Bush aware of this?

Women seem to have this thing for dolphins. On a trip to Isla Mujeres my wife swam with dolphins. At the time I thought little of it. Except for the price. On her return (I was drinking on the beach) she had a picture of her and the dolphin. She had an ear to ear grin that I had not seen on her before. I should look into that a little more now.

On the same trip my sister-in-law went swam with the dolphins as well and wound up dating the dolphin trainer. The language barrier turned out to be too much of a challenge for the relationship to last. Imagine the language barrier with a dolphin. I digress.

"I'm the happiest girl on earth," the bride was quoted as saying. "I made a dream come true. And I am not a pervert."

Uh-huh. Listen, pervert, in a year when your relationship is floundering I don't want to hear it from your blowhole.