Apr 29, 2012

The Week In Review: Sunday Comics

Well, we made it to the end of the week.

Walmart got nailed with a report that they paid out $24 million *shock* bribes to Mexican officials, to achieve market domination there. U.S. authorities, smelling blood in the water, are going to fall over each other to attack the execs. Wonder if they'll figure out that this is standard operating procedure across the world and Chicago?

It was a pretty bad week for Nicolas Sarkozy. The austerity-promoting, celebrity-marrying French president is trailing Socialist leader Francois Hollande heading into a May 6 run-off, and many expect Sarko is on the way out. Who is Hollande? A sauce at brunch? The follow-up after Dominique Strauss-Kahn was accused of sexual assault...

Sudan and South Sudan, following a two-decade civil war finally stopped in 2005 - are back on the brink of all-out war. How come? Oil. And it's right in-between the two of them. Heaven forbid they, you know, share? Nah, much easier to kill each other.

SCOTUS is looking into whether Arizona's law to uphold Federal law is unconstitutional or not. Bummer for Mr. Obama - he's still got the same lawyer who bungled the ObamaCare case. The law, which Mr. Obama doesn't like, which lets cops demand the documents of suspected illegal immigrants. Sure, it promotes racial profiling. But, it's not worse than Alabama's radical immigration law, is it? Guess that'll be round two?

"Here's a fundamental fact of the 2012 presidential race," said Chris Cillizza at The Washington Post: "President Obama is cool. Mitt Romney isn't." And to prove his hipster awesomeness, Mr. Obama rapped at Rolling Stone, slow jammed the news on Jimmy Fallon's late-night show, and went to campus - a lot of campuses - to offer free money for college, that Pelosi had set up to expire just in case they didn't have the House in 2012. Heaven forbid colleges made cuts, rather than raising their prices. Maybe if Romney wears some flannel and takes a Mr. Fix-It/Joe Plumber image, it'll counter the jet-setting Al Green Too Cool for School image of Mr. Obama.

And the Administration must be a 'little' concerned, because they rolled out Bin Laden as a campaign issue - and even had Bill Clinton narrate the spot. Cheap shot? You bet. Will it work? It could backfire - or backlash - as the act should have spoken for itself. Maybe the Commander in Chief could take a note from the troops that carried it out?

The NBA playoffs began, and ended for the Bulls. D. Rose's ACL tore about a minute and two ticks before the final buzzer of game one. Is that it for the Bulls? They've been working without him most of this lockout-shortened 66-game regular season. They're tied with San Antonio for the best record (50-16) -- but then there's LeBron James' Miami Heat, Kevin Durant's Oklahoma City Thunder, or even the Lakers, who start without Metta World Peace, suspended for getting caught elbowing.





Well, that's the end of the review, hope to see you here next week!



Apr 24, 2012

If I wanted America to Fail




Free Market America is a project of Americans for Limited Government and Citizens for Lower Taxes and a Stronger Economy

Now, I kind of wonder if this is a SuperPAC -- it sure is a condemnation of the Democrats.

My rebuttal would be... I'd start a shooting war in just about every country that reads the Koran.

Apr 23, 2012

Werner Herzog’s Note To His Cleaning Lady


Werner Herzog’s Note To His Cleaning Lady
Rosalina. Woman.
You constantly revile me with your singular lack of vision. Be aware, there is an essential truth and beauty in all things. From the death throes of a speared gazelle to the damaged smile of a freeway homeless. But that does not mean that the invisibility of something implies its lack of being. Though simpleton babies foolishly believe the person before them vanishes when they cover their eyes during a hateful game of peek-a-boo, this is a fallacy. And so it is that the unseen dusty build up that accumulates behind the DVD shelves in the rumpus room exists also. This is unacceptable.

I will tell you this Rosalina, not as a taunt or a threat but as an evocation of joy. The joy of nothingness, the joy of the real. I want you to be real in everything you do. If you cannot be real, then a semblance of reality must be maintained. A real semblance of the fake real, or “real”. I have conquered volcanoes and visited the bitter depths of the earth’s oceans. Nothing I have witnessed, from lava to crustacean, assailed me liked the caked debris haunting that small plastic soap hammock in the smaller of the bathrooms. Nausea is not a sufficient word. In this regard, you are not being real.

Now we must turn to the horrors of nature. I am afraid this is inevitable. Nature is not something to be coddled and accepted and held to your bosom like a wounded snake. Tell me, what was there before you were born? What do you remember? That is nature. Nature is a void. An emptiness. A vacuum. And speaking of vacuum, I am not sure you’re using the retractable nozzle correctly or applying the ‘full weft’ setting when attending to the lush carpets of the den. I found some dander there.

I have only listened to two songs in my entire life. One was an aria by Wagner that I played compulsively from the ages of 19 to 27 at least 60 times a day until the local townsfolk drove me from my dwelling using rudimentary pitchforks and blazing torches. The other was Dido. Both appalled me to the point of paralysis. Every quaver was like a brickbat against my soul. Music is futile and malicious. So please, if you require entertainment while organizing the recycling, refrain from the ‘pop radio’ I was affronted by recently. May I recommend the recitation of some sharp verse. Perhaps by Goethe. Or Schiller. Or Shel Silverstein at a push.

The situation regarding spoons remains unchanged. If I see one, I will kill it.
That is all. Do not fail to think that you are not the finest woman I have ever met. You are. And I am including on this list my mother and the wife of Brad Dourif (the second wife, not the one with the lip thing). Thank you for listening and sorry if parts of this note were smudged. I have been weeping.

Your money is under the guillotine.
Herzog.

Apr 22, 2012

The Week in Review: Sunday Comics

We made it this far. First and foremost, let me congratulate White Sox right-hander Phil Humber pitched the third perfect game in franchise history, 21st in MLB history, mowing down the Mariners. Question, was it his skill, or lack of skill with the Mariners. He'll get another chance when he faces the Cubbies later this year.

Three Secret Service agents have been ousted, and more firings and  lawsuits are expected. Bad week. Up to 12 men charged with protecting President Obama on a trip to Colombia were found drunkenly cavorting with prostitutes from a tacky brothel. They were caught when they were going to dig and dash on the bill. It hurts Obama in a closely fought election - maybe. But I'll say one thing, at least there was ONE government agency conscious of the bills.

Another day, another Corps photo op with a corpse. The U.S. military is facing yet another damaging controversy in Afghanistan, after (apparently quite old) photos surfaced of American soldiers gleefully posing with dismembered bodies of insurgent bombers. The photos are particularly harmful to U.S.-Afghan relations, surfacing so soon after similar scandals in which American soldiers burned religious books with secret codes in them. Well, any excuse to get pissed is a good day. Wonder why no one's is talking about the bombers who were caught red handed and admitted that they were trained by Islamabad?

Why don't we just have a standing order that standing on a dead body isn't something to put on your Facebook page?

The French are heading to the polling booth today - to see if there's a clear winner in the "let's ignore reality for a couple more years" contest. It's a clear indication of what we're about to get in the States. It's a Dog-eat-dog election... haven't you heard that one?

Let me ask you something, is it worse to a eat dog or strap one to the roof of your car? Hey, where is Bo, anyhow?

Meanwhile presumptions of who Romney will pick - either a woman or Latino to help cozy up to crucial voting blocs is starting up already. Will he pick a No. 2 who hails from a critical swing state? Ohio, looking your way. Pennsylvania - Ricky Rickster - maybe, if folks thought he could have carried it. Jeb Bush? John Huntsman? Rand Paul? Ryan? And why do leading VP contenders insist they don't want the job? Because they could have beat him in the primaries - that's why. He's going to pick someone who doesn't make him look worse than his pick. How about Elaine from Seinfeld -- no, that's on HBO and why would she give up a good gig like that? Hey, how about Ted Nugent?

Pay your taxes? On time? Funny, Congress can't pass a budget, or on time - yet we all have guns to our heads to get to the post office on time? Funny, isn't it?

They retired the Shuttles to museums. I only hope that the Deadwood in Space proposal is real. That's pretty much all we got - mining space for gold.

Oh, minor issue, Pelosi wants to modify the 1st Amendment. 

More importantly, for some reason, Dick Clark - beloved Television presenter left us shut-ins to Rock the Eve stag this year. Joke's on us - we're not even supposed to be around after the 21st of December -- if the lazy Myan calendar workers are to be treated seriously.

Did you see Tupac's resurrection? Get ready for a Beatles reunion, Nirvana, Fleetwood Mac, Elvis, the Rat Pack and Led Zeppelin to fill stadiums in the next decade. The Michael Jackson tour will feature little Michael all the way to the zombie drugged up one. They'll put Tito and the boys out on stage so they can still get their cut. Expect all these acts, and when it gets stale, they'll duet with each other the following decade. The Dead and Phish on stage together will be a full time exhibit at the MGM Grand in Vegas. It never closes. Every single casino will have their own installation. Circ de Soleil - your 2 minute warning on your 15 minutes has been signaled.

Oh, happy earth day - since you're reading this online - the coal burning furnace required to show this to you has killed two birds and five trees, removed a mountain top in Kentucky and poisoned their groundwater for over 500 years. Make sure you recycle your plastic bag from Target to make up for it. Kay?  Like the Race for the Cure - Earth Day is another reason to get you into the stores to buy something -- don't you forget it.

Hope to see you here next week.

Apr 21, 2012

Saturday Morning Cartoons

Dogme 95 Donald Duck


"Donald leads a tormented life on the unforgiving streets of Duckburg, where sometimes he must betray his own conscience to make ends meet. Donald has to raise his 3 nephews, deal with his girlfriend and put up working for his stingy uncle; the richest duck in town."

Sounds like classic Carl Barks, right? From Icelandic comedy group Mid-Island, comes this mock trailer about the lives and times of Donald Duck… in Danish and filmed in the style of Lars von Trier’s Dogme 95. Which makes it funny on multiple levels.

 Oh, and it's NSFW. But, you probably already know that, right?

Apr 20, 2012

Autism and High Fructose Corn Syrup


In a provocative new peer-reviewed study published in Clinical Epigenetics, researchers led by a former FDA toxicologist purport to have found a very real link between HFCS consumption and autism.

The study’s argument is complicated but deeply disturbing. It pieces together what’s known about the genetic and metabolic factors involved with autism, including the growing evidence of a link between autism and mercury and organophosphate pesticide exposure.

Essentially, HFCS can interfere with the body’s uptake of certain dietary minerals — namely zinc. And that, when combined with other mineral deficiencies common among Americans, can cause susceptible individuals to develop autism.
[MORE]

The authors of a recent study on the links between endocrine disrupting chemicals like BPA and obesity and diabetes observed, it is all but impossible to prove a direct link between chemicals that affect us through chronic, low-level exposure and the health effects they are thought to cause. In other words, if you're looking for a smoking gun, you're better off looking in the crime and fiction section.

In the meantime, someone tell Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carry to stop telling people to not immunize their kids, and instead - have them campaign against HFCS - (even if this turns out to be bunk, we'll all be better off) instead.

McDonald's Should Ask for a Refund

Ironic placement, or is it truth in advertising?

Found this while looking for a picture for a story linking autism to High Fructose Corn Syrup.

Apr 19, 2012

Bishop of Peoria Compares Obama to Hitler and Stalin

First off, there's a Bishop of Peoria.
Second. He looks a lot like George Lucas.

Third - he gave a speech - and it's making people go kind of nuts. I mean, really, Mr. Obama is either a Communist or a Fascist -- pick one. He can't be both!

My Goddamn Friends

At the rate things are going for the White House, Mitt won't have to lift a finger or spend another dime.
“I have no trouble with my enemies. I can take care of my enemies in a fight. But my friends, my goddamned friends, they're the ones who keep me walking the floor at nights!” ~ Warren G. Harding
Look at the THREE giant scandals exploding right now. The Secret Service trying to get blown in Columbia, the GSA blowing a $823,000 wad in Vegas, and more troops with a camera and an internet connection.

Those are all on Mr. Obama's watch, and on tax day to boot. Jobs reports continue to be lukewarm, and/or being lied about, there's still Fast and Furious to be settled, debt ceilings to be raised - again, and then we can start talking about why Gitmo is still open, the stuck housing market, the lack of patent reform, the looming wars in Syria and Iran, and why India has a better chance at hitting the International Space Station than the country that built it. While we're at it, let's examine why Mr. Obama has expanded many of the worst policies of his predecessor. 

Anyone still predicting an easy win for Obama? I'd like to take their money.

Prepare to Be Offended: Racist Cake



What was intended to raise awareness of female genital mutilation, Swedish culture minister Lena Adelsohn Liljeroth commissioned a large cake shaped like a black woman, the cutting of which symbolically starting at the clitoris.

Wait, wait, there's more. It wasn't just a cake. It was performance art.

The “art installation” instead turned into what most consider a “racist spectacle,” says Kitimbwa Sabuni of the National Afro-Swedish Association, and have prompted calls for the culture minister’s dismissal.

Adelsohn Liljeroth defended her actions, saying the anger should be directed at the cake’s artist, not at her, and claiming the situation was “misinterpreted.” “Art needs to be provocative,” she said.

Well, there's provocative, and then there's this. And I may not know what "art" is -- but since you're seeing it here on Blasphemes, well, there's an epic failure wrapped in an excuse.

On the bright side, it's definitely raising awareness....

I suppose the artist's follow up will be a "save the rainforest" installation that cuts itself? How Emo. How brave.

Boom Boom Boom - US Air Power Demonstration

(U.S. Air Force photo/Staff Sgt. Elizabeth Rissmiller/Released)
Those drums you hear? Those are war drums. You have to listen carefully over the white noise of lottery winners, and the war on moms - but if you put your ear to the rail, you'll the resonating bass of 70 F-15E Strike Eagles performing a training mission.

Dubbed "Turkey Shoot", nearly 70 aircraft destroyed more than 1,000 targets on bombing ranges across North Carolina. How long did it take? A few hours. How long would it take to do that, oh, say 60 years ago during WWII? 30,000 bombing runs, over a course of weeks.

A clear picture of US Air superiority has been demonstrated. [Source]

But was it a dry run for Tehran - or something else? Perhaps in the Pacific Theater?

Bounty out on Obama and Bush

Lord Nazir Ahmed, a member of the upper chamber House of Lords, placed a $16 million bounty on Obama's head -- and added former president George W. Bush to the list too.

Ahmed announced the bounty during a speech in Pakistan in retaliation for a similar bounty issued by the U.S. government on terrorist leader Hafiz Muhammad Saeed. It's unknown whether Ahmed has that kind of money, but he told supporters he would sell his home to pay it in the event someone captures either of the U.S. leaders. A threat like that should pretty well insure Ahmed never visits the U.S. again.

I wonder if Obama chuckled and said, "I popped Bin Laden, bitch. Best watch yo' back, Ahmed."

Apr 14, 2012

Saturday Morning Cartoon: Pac Man


Multi-hyphenate animator James Farr made this faux trailer for Pac-Man The Movie (The Fan Film) at the coolest production house in Tulsa, Oklahoma: Steelehouse.

Apr 13, 2012

How You're Gobment Works

Apparently spelling and proofreading aren't on their curriculum?

We be here to serve you, the lit'l peeps who paid for all dis stuff wit taxes and sit.


(original story)

Tennessee’s Anti-Science Bill Becomes Law

[Source for Picture and Story]

Well, folks, if you find your Doctor is from Tennessee I suggest you stand up and go to another Doctor.

And if you're a college admissions professional - I recommend dropping every single application that has a return address from that State straight into the recycle bin. That is, unless you don't believe in gravity. Then I guess you'll just have to have Jesus throw it away for you.

You know, Jesus Mendez, of the evening clean up crew?

God Pulls Endorsements

Have you noticed the every GOP candidate “Endorsed” by god has left the playing field?

Rick, Herman, Michele and Rick.

He's so far been silent for his pick for the general, but it's even money that whichever he shows favor toward won't pick up the bump in the polls that would have otherwise been expected.

The faithful have been quick to point out, that God asked them to RUN, and never said that they'd win. Big difference, there, and quite an important detail that seems to have baffled the candidates. That, or, the other obviousness here is that Mormonism really is the one True religion.

Apr 10, 2012

Rick Frothy Pulls Out

Rick Santorum called Mitt Romney Tuesday to say he is ending his presidential campaign.
He made an announcement at a press conference in Gettysburg, Pa., at 2 p.m.

He's officially out because his three year old daughter has pneumonia - and Medical Science willing - will hopefully pull through. 

This isn't over. Now he's open to be the VeeP. 
“Of course. I mean, look. I would do in this race as I always say, this is the most important race in our country’s history. I’m going to do everything I can. I’m doing everything I can. I’m out there. In the last 10 months, I’ve had five days off. Two for Thanksgiving, and three for Christmas. I’ve been working every single day. My wife and my kids, we’re just busting our tail, because we know their future and all of our childrens’ future is at stake in this election and I don’t want to be the guy who has to sit with my granddaughter, 20 years from now, and tell stories about an America where people once were free. I don’t want to have that conversation,” Santorum said in an interview with CBN’s David Brody.
Asked if he’s keeping his options open, Santorum responded, “I’ll do whatever is necessary to help our country.”

Rick - stay by your daughter's side. Please. That's how you can help everyone.

Birthers Want Proof - Of Mitt Romney!

Well, at least they're consistant - and non-partisan, apparently?

They demand that the California Secretary of State produce evidence that Mitt is eligible to run for president. One birther explains that Romney's citizenship is up for debate because his dad was born in Mexico.

Mitt Romney's father (George Romney, Gov. of Michigan) was born in the Mexican colony that Mitt's great-grandfather founded after fleeing the United States so he could stay married to Romney's four great-grandmothers.

Let's all just let that sink in for a moment.

Oh, I'll bet they're all high fiving each other in the White House briefing room right now.

The other big tech sale yesterday


Silicon Valley and the business world has gone nuts over Facebook’s $1 billion buyout of Instagram, but it’s not even the biggest acquisition a major tech company made yesterday. Microsoft paid AOL $1.056 billion in cash for 800 patents after “a competitive auction process.”

Patents in the portfolio deal with advertising, search, content generation/management, social networking, mapping, streaming media and security, TechCrunch reports.

AOL said in a memo to employees that it will retain 300 patents that deal with its core businesses, including ads, search and content generation.

Microsoft hasn’t announced what it intends to do with the patent portfolio, although it could be used defensively. Yahoo! is currently waging a patent war against Facebook, a company in which Microsoft owns a stake, and MS may be protecting itself from any similar suits.

Those patents? Netscape.

Which, to some of you, means something. Or at least, used to.

Apr 9, 2012

When Talks Fail


"Talks between Iran and six world powers — the United States, Britain, France, China, Russia and Germany — scheduled to begin in Istanbul next Friday could be the last chance to avoid full-fledged conflict.
If the talks fail, the Middle East could plunge into a regional war before the year is out."
That really should be a 'when' not an 'if', don't you think? [Read the whole scary scenario worked up by National Post commentator]. However, I think it's just armchair general optimistic-neocon porn. There's not a real discussion of the backlash, or the long term effects of another 'pre-emptive' war in the Middle East. There is a note that the already unstable and crumbling EuroZone will finally plunge down the crapper due to high oil prices by even the mention of a Iranian War. Yeah, who else will be going down that pipe with it?
And as much as most of the Middle East hates the Iranians, the mistrust of the US being Israel's lapdog will only be solidified when the attacks begin. And the safety net of ruthless dictators holding down the Brotherhood is no longer in place after the Arab Spring - to which America 'led from behind.' Let's put it this way - if you thought Afghanistan was rough, it was just pre-season to what could blow up to an official World War.
BTW - did you hear that Mitt and Netanyahu were pen-pals back in the day? Like 1976. Okay, not pen-pals, but they were both corporate advisors at The Boston Consulting Group. 
It didn't end there, when Mitt was Gov of Mass - Net gave pointers on how to crush, er, contract the size of Massachusetts government. And on Super Tuesday, he got a personal phone call about the situation with Iran. (Which was probably even more detailed than when he met with Obama on the same subject, I conjecture?) [source]

Apr 8, 2012

Ironic Accidental Hanging


A Brazilian actor playing Judas was seriously injured Saturday when he accidentally hanged himself during a Bible scene in which his character commits suicide after betraying Jesus, a report said.


The actor, identified as Tiago Klimeck, apparently confused which cord he should use, and remained hanging for several minutes during a performance of "The Passion of Christ" in the city of Itarare, police told news website G1.

The man's colleagues did not react immediately while he hung unconscious, believing the actor was still playing the role of Judas.

Klimeck was rushed to a hospital, where he remains in serious condition, the news site reported.

No word if he was paid his 30 pieces of silver before or after the incident.

Quick Question


Actually, it's "GOD HATES FIGS". Mark 11:12-14
And on the morrow, when they were come from Bethany, he was hungry: And seeing a fig tree afar off having leaves, he came, if haply he might find any thing thereon: and when he came to it, he found nothing but leaves; for the time of figs was not yet. And Jesus answered and said unto it, No man eat fruit of thee hereafter for ever. And his disciples heard it.

Apr 7, 2012

Shopped Watch Causes Stir

For some reason, the Russian Orthodox Church shopped out the Patriarchate's $30,000 wrist bling. But - ooops - Photoshop disaster - the novice Shopper forgot about the reflection in the $50,000 redwood conference table. Guess they should have spent a couple more bucks on the graphic designer instead of getting a freebie from Craigslist?

Well, let's just say that controversy happened anyway, and the Church has denied the watch's existence and vowed to look into this "technical mistake". Neat.

The bigger mistake is that they took out the watch, but left that goofy head decoration on the man.

Saturday Morning Cartoon


Super Chicken - 14-The Easter Bunny

Apr 6, 2012

NPR Reads Blasphemes

...finally does a story on the lies behind eating fish on Friday. Link to the Story

Now I just need to find the original story - which I seem to have misplaced?

Gingrich health-care think tank files for bankruptcy



Newt's Center for Health Transformation had promoted private-sector solutions to America’s skyrocketing health-care costs. It also became a source of significant cash for Gingrich and his wife, Callista. The Washington Post reported that the center took in $37 million in donations, primarily from big pharmaceutical and health-care corporations, in its eight years in business.

Of course, when Newt bailed to run for President, so did the cash. Oh, I meant "Leadership." Leadership.

In a related story, Gingrich's other power plant, American Solutions, also shut down in July 2011 because his candidacy made it impossible for him to raise funds for the group.

Perhaps they should think up a way to stop tanking?

CISPA is Crispa

The Cyber Intelligence Sharing and Protection Act (CISPA) is quickly becoming the Internet's new most-hated piece of legislation
The title of this controversial act is H.R. 3523 and it has been dubbed the Cyber Intelligence Sharing and Protection Act (or CISPA for short). It is feared that CISPA is far worse than SOPA and PIPA in its possible effects on the internet.
While this paper has been created under the guise of being a necessary weapon in the U.S. war against cyberattacks, the wording of the paper is vague and broad. It is thought that the act could allow Congress to circumvent existing exemptions to online privacy laws and would allow the monitoring and censorship of any user and also stop online communications which they deem disruptive to the government or to private parties.
Criticizing a corrupt official or agency (or, given the ‘private parties’ part, a corporation?) for being so could be construed as being disruptive and allow the government to use this against you?

Do you remember the first and forth Amendments?

Be careful how you answer - if you put it in the comments section, it'll be a crime soon.

Oh, BTW, in case you missed it, the SCOTUS said you can be stripped searched for pretty much anything now. Like jay walking. And I wish to science that I wasn't kidding.

Apr 5, 2012

Santorum: Trouble with the Truth

Pic from Wandering American
Apparently, Rick "don't google me" Santorum has a problem with number 9 of the 10 commandments.  "Thou Shall Not Bear False Witness" or  simply, "no lying"

There's a really interesting story on Forbes, of all places, about how Rick lies like a 4 year old with cookie residue on their cheeks
“Rick makes things up.” The more I thought about it, the more clear it was to me that Santorum’s main problem (and there are many) is as simple as that: he does not tell the truth. He makes things up as he goes along, assuming no one will check. When the people of Pennsylvania figured that out, they were done with him and fired him as their Senator, and Rick even lied about that.
It's a long article - but a worthy read. [FORBES]

Articles like this one need to be forwarded more than the KONY II video. To Democrats and Republicans alike!

World's Worst Parents

The lack of eye and ear protection is equally worthy of shame.

To be fair though, here's the link to that article - AKA White Trash Theater on the Internet

Apr 2, 2012

Back on the bread line

You know, I'd love to say "I don't want to say I told you so..." and I'm not going to. But getting canned from this many jobs, and then threatening to sue every time.... I'm going to have to say Keith has become the Milton Bradley of cable desk jobs.

Apr 1, 2012

Sunday Comics: The Week in Review

 The week in review:



 And finally,
Have a great week, see you here next time.