Jan 27, 2010

And Lo, Steve Jobs Presented the Tablets

Exodus 24:12 And the LORD said unto Steve Jobs, Come up to me into the mount, and be there: and I will give thee tables of chrome and plated aluminum and a multi-touchscreen, and a good battery, and a crippled OS X which I have written; that thou mayest teach them.

Exodus 24:15 And Steve Jobs went up into the mount, and a cloud covered the mount press conference stage.

Exodus 24:16 And the glory of the LORD abode upon mount San Jose, California, and the cloud covered it six days: and the seventh day he called unto Steve Jobs out of the midst of the cloud.

Exodus 24:17 And the sight of the glory of the LORD was like devouring fire on the top of the mount in the eyes of the children of the United States.

Exodus 24:18
And Steve Jobs went into the midst of the cloud, and gat him up into the mount: and Jobs was in the mount forty days and forty nights.

Exodus 31:18 And he gave unto Steve Jobs, when he had made an end of communing with him upon mount San Jose, two tables of testimony, tables of modern shininess, written with the finger of God.


WaffleMan said...

* No ability to play Adobe Flash animations, widely used on the Web.
* No camera, still or video
* No non-Internet phone function
* Unclear whether you can bundle your AT&T iPhone plan with an iPad data plan
* No removable battery for a device that can suck a lot of power
* No removable storage

DoNotWant MakiPad said...

8 Things That Suck About the iPad

Big, Ugly Bezel
Have you seen the bezel on this thing?! It's huge! I know you don't want to accidentally input a command when your thumb is holding it, but come on.

No Multitasking
This is a backbreaker. If this is supposed to be a replacement for netbooks, how can it possibly not have multitasking? Are you saying I can't listen to Pandora while writing a document? I can't have my Twitter app open at the same time as my browser? I can't have AIM open at the same time as my email? Are you kidding me? This alone guarantees that I will not buy this product.

No Cameras
No front facing camera is one thing. But no back facing camera either? Why the hell not? I can't imagine what the downside was for including at least one camera. Could this thing not handle video iChat?

Touch Keyboard
So much for Apple revolutionizing tablet inputs; this is the same big, ugly touchscreen keyboard we've seen on other tablets, and unless you're lying on the couch with your knees propping it up, it'll be awkward to use.

Want to watch those nice HD videos you downloaded from iTunes on your TV? Too damned bad! If you were truly loyal, you'd just buy an AppleTV already.

The Name iPad
Get ready for Maxi pad jokes, and lots of 'em!

No Flash
No Flash is annoying but not a dealbreaker on the iPhone and iPod Touch. On something that's supposed to be closer to a netbook or laptop? It will leave huge, gaping holes in websites. I hope you don't care about streaming video! God knows not many casual internet users do. Oh wait, nevermind, they all do.

Adapters, Adapters, Adapters
So much for those smooth lines. If you want to plug anything into this, such as a digital camera, you need all sorts of ugly adapters. You need an adapter for USB for god's sake.

Update: Why stop at 8? Here are more things we are discovering that suck about the iPad.

It's Not Widescreen
Widescreen movies look lousy on this thing thanks to its 4:3 screen, according to Blam, who checked out some of Star Trek on one. It's like owning a 4:3 TV all over again!

Doesn't Support T-Mobile 3G
Sure, it's "unlocked." But it won't work on T-Mobile, and it uses microSIMs that literally no one else uses.