May 3, 2009

Sweet Jebus John Edwards

Edwards acknowledges probe over campaign funds

Once a dirty cheat, always a dirty cheater?

Well, you tell me, folks.

Failed presidential candidate John Edwards, whose political action committee paid more than $100,000 to his mistress' [sham of a] production company, acknowledged Sunday that federal investigators were looking into how he handled his campaign funds. He just keeps falling deeper and deeper into the quicksand, doesn't he?

Hold on, the former North Carolina senator said he was confident no money was used improperly. Sure, and the kid still isn't yours either, right John?

A quick reminder for those of you who can't remember... John Edwards' political action committee has been under scrutiny for making payments to a woman with whom he had an affair. Edwards admitted the affair with Rielle Hunter in August after months of denying tabloid reports about the relationship. And months of denying fathering the son. Much like Michael Jackson when he sang about Billie Jean. But Michael Jackson was a tad more genuine in his answers.
"I am confident that no funds from my campaign were used improperly," Edwards said in the statement. "However, I know that it is the role of government to ensure that this is true. We have made available to the United States both the people and the information necessary to help them get the issue resolved efficiently and in a timely matter."
You bet John. Just keep smiling and combing that hair. I haven't seen a politician as obsessed with his hair this much since Rod Blagojevich. Anyone with hair that pretty HAS to be telling the truth, right?

His political action committee paid Hunter's firm $100,000 for "video production" in a four-month span in 2006, and then paid an additional $14,086.50 on April 1, 2007. At the time, the PAC only had $7,932.95 in cash on hand, according to records filed with the Federal Election Commission. That's a lot of money. Especially to someone who only figured what that lens cap thingy was on her second day.

That same day, according to the records, Edwards' presidential campaign paid the PAC $14,034.61 for what is listed as a "furniture purchase." Well, have you shopped at Babies R Us for cribs and diaper changers? That stuff is pricey, you know?

You might ask, hey, what's the big deal? John funneled some of that fat campaign money to his mistress's kid's nursery, so what? Willfully converting money from a political action committee for personal is a federal crime. And - as we all know getting caught was the real crime that John committed here.

Since announcing the affair, Edwards has remained largely secluded. His wife, Elizabeth (the one with the cancer), will soon be releasing a book talking about the affair. She's upset with John... for some reason?

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