2009 Preview - Movies
Directed by Stephen Sommers [Mummy, Scorpion King, Mummy II, Like, all of those Mummy movies.]
Transformers 2 - Revenge of the Fallen. (June 26)
Directed by Michael "Kaboom" Bay, A.K.A. Awesome! [Pearl Harbor]
Cap'n Says: Since the first one was an ad for the US military, and GMC, iPod and eBay - and seeing as how I go to such lengths to TiVo all my commercials - I'm going to skip this rerun.
Watchmen (March, 4th)
Directed by Zach Snyder
Plot summary : The "un-film-able" (which means a complex sprawling 12 part allegory to Nixon's Watergate and the Regan/Thacher era) , multi-layered mystery, “Watchmen” is set in an alternate 1985 America. When one of his former teammates (a rapist version of Captain America) somehow gets murdered, composite-Batman-character Rorschach sets out to uncover a plot to kill and discredit all past and present superheroes. As he reconnects with his former crime-fighting legion - a ragtag group of retired superheroes, only one of whom has true powers - Rorschach uncovers a conspiracy with links to their shared past and catastrophic consequences for the future. Their mission is to watch over humanity…but who is watching the Watchmen?
Terminator 4 (May 22)
Directed by McG [Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle]
Staring Christian Bale
Cap'n Says: McG? Jebus. Christian Bale - very good casting on the surface... but Bale has got a pile of stinkers on his belt too. Such as Equilibrium? Never heard of it, right? And how the hell is this going to keep the other three movies and the TV show continuity? The Terminator continuity is beginning to make LOST's complex time shifting story line look pedestrian. This better be big on explosions and light on the talking. So far I saw a Terminator that was as big as a three story house and shot some kind of plasma weapon - uh, that's Transformers... not Terminator McG...
Inglorious Basterds (Aug)
Directed by Quentin Tarantino
Plot summary : In Nazi-occupied France during World War II, a group of Jewish-American soldiers known as “The Basterds” are chosen specifically to spread fear throughout the Third Reich by scalping and brutally killing Nazis. The Basterds soon cross paths with a French-Jewish teenage girl who runs a movie theater in Paris which is targeted by the soldiers.Cap'n Says: This is Tarantino's World War II epic. Is this the war movie that Vincent Vega watches, or is this it's own thing? Anyone want to wager over/under on a Nazi getting his ear chopped off? I understand Basterds is the project that he was stuck on after Pulp Fiction. It was volumes long - and I'm still not sure if it's still planned as a trilogy or this would be heavily edited... oh, wait, it's Tarantino - he's never heard of editing.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine (May 1)
Plot & Cap'n Says: This could be good if you've never heard of Wolverine or his origin story... which then you've probably never read an X-men comic, or seen some of the X-men movies. Which then leads the question - why would you be interested in this movie?
Plot summary : The incredible and true story of legendary Depression-era bank robber John Dillinger (Depp), the charismatic bank robber whose lightning raids made him the number one target of J. Edgar Hoover’s fledgling FBI and its top agent, Melvin Purvis (Bale), and a folk hero to much of the downtrodden public. No one could stop Dillinger. No jail could hold him. His charm and audacious jailbreaks endeared him to almost everyone from his girlfriend Billie Frechette (Cotillard) to an American public who had no sympathy for the banks that had
plunged the country into the Depression.
Plot summary : Shutter Island is the story of two U.S. marshals, Teddy Daniels (Leonardo DiCaprio) and Chuck Aule (Mark Ruffalo), who are summoned to a remote and barren island off the cost of Massachusetts to investigate the mysterious disappearance of a murderess from the island’s fortress-like hospital for the criminally insane.
Green Zone (full date TBA)
Directed by Paul Greengrass
Plot summary : A thriller about a pair of CIA agents on the trail of certain Weapons of Mass Destruction and a foreign correspondent following their mission. Inspired by Imperial Life in the Emerald City, by Rajiv Chandrasekaran.
Cap'n Says: Hold on, isn't this Jason Borne 4?
Where the Wild Things Are (Oct 16)
Director Spike Jonze
Cap'n Says: It's HR Puff N Stuff for 2009. It was supposed to come out a while ago (like years ago...) but the kid was "too bratty" and it sucked. Can't imagine shelf time helped fix those two problems.
Year One (June 19)
Directed by Harold Ramis
Staring Jack Black, David Cross
Background: Ramis (Caddyshack, Groundhog Day) liked the idea of setting a comedy in the ancient world back in, well, pretty much the Stone Age. ''I did an improv a long time ago with Bill Murray and John Belushi, where Bill was a Cro-Magnon man and Belushi was a Neanderthal,'' Ramis says. ''Putting a modern sensibility in an ancient context always seemed very funny to me.'' Flash forward approximately one eon and the Judd Apatow-produced Year One pairs Jack Black and Michael Cera as Zed and Oh, hunter-gatherers who are banished from their village and wander through scenes from the Old Testament, encountering the likes of Cain and Abel (David Cross and Paul Rudd) and Abraham (Hank Azaria). Asked if he expects the film's religious satire to offend, Ramis laughs: ''I hope so!''
Cap'n Says: I hope he wrote the script in the cocaine filled 80's. Jack Black is no Bill Murrary or even a JIM Belushi. And correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't someone else already make a History of the World (Part I)?
Directed by James Cameron
Plot: In a distant future, humanity discovers the planet 'Alpha Centauri B-4', and for those scientists and astronauts who've traversed the gulf between neighboring suns and arrived on its alien soil... uh, I'll just stop right there.
Cap'n says: He waited 17-20 years to make this - or has been working on it for 17-20 years. To say there are some expectations from this 3D feature is an understatement. I'm looking forward to it - however, I have reservations since he may be thinking that he has to tack on a love story to recapture his Titanic glory. I hope not. I hope it's way awesome!
Land of the Lost - Wil Farrel
This could be terrible bad, or just plain terrible.
Which is what they're going for.
Director: John Hillcoat
Cast:Viggo Mortensen, Charlize Theron, Kodi Smit-McPhee, Guy Pearce, Robert Duvall
The post-apocalyptic nightmarish road trip of a man who tries to transport his son to safety while fending off starving stragglers and marauding packs of cannibals.
How is this going to be screwed up? A soundtrack, that's how.
Also to note:
Goonies 2 - Corri Hames and his kids have to save the neighborhood, Astro Boy, Akira - (live action with Leo DeCaprio I sh*t you not), Hack/Slash - Based on the comic, Greatest American Hero... update, and there is more than one suit.
Ronin - the Frank Miller fiasco of 2009. Also Harry Potter 19... and one Untitled James L. Brooks Movie
Nightmare on Elm Street and Red Dawn reboots, along with the Star Trek and Rocky Horror Picture show reboots. I read there are three (3) Friday the 13th movies next year?
Pixar's Up, Monsters vs Aliens, Ice Age 3 and Opus - The Last Christmas - (Opus the Penguin) will be grubbing for the toddler movie dollars.
There's a big pile of video game flicks - which aren't even worth mentioning because 9 out of the 10 will be so terrible... so vile, they deserve no mention.
That's all I've got for now... feel free to place your bets on which one of these will be the Batman and the Speed Racer of 2009. Even money on the Pixar.