Nov 30, 2007
It's all...wait, Murtha? THAT John Murtha? Nancy Pelosi's right hand man?
Shoot. Now what're the House Dems going to do? I guess they'll just hold their breath until George leaves. Wait, I think that was their strategy all along...
This could get funny if he is forced to back peddle. I mean, what else will the Dems run on? Medicare? Social Security fixes? That's not sexy.
Labels: Nancy Pelosi
Quotes for the Day
"I hate conservatives, but I really f*cking hate liberals." --Matt Stone, South Park Co-Creator
"Political correctness, a term first used by Joseph Stalin, has trivialized, sanitized and homogenized America, transforming us into a nation of chain establishments and chain people." -- Kinky Friedman
Justice officials said the FBI's "Mental Defective File" has ballooned from 175,000 names in June to nearly 400,000, primarily due to additions from California. The names are listed in a subset of a database that gun dealers are supposed to check before completing their sales.
The surge in names underscores the enormity of the gap in FBI records that allowed Seung Hui Cho to purchase the handguns he used in April to kill 32 people and himself at the Virginia Tech campus in Blacksburg.
Seeming as to answer a question I posed a couple weeks ago, a Virginia state court HAD in fact found Cho to be dangerously mentally ill in 2005 and ordered him to receive outpatient treatment. But because Cho was not ordered into hospital treatment, the court's order was never provided to the FBI and incorporated in its database, which two gun dealers checked before selling Cho the 9mm Glock 19 and a Walther .22-caliber pistol used in the shootings. So had he filled out section B-class stroke A paperwork, he wouldn't have Legally bought the weapons. See gun control DOES work - but only as long as you're not Section B-class stroke A paperwork nuts. In other words, the Trix Rabbit can buy a gun, but the Cuckoo Bird who's Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs cannot. And they say the system doesn't work.
Federal law has prohibited gun sales to people judged to be "mentally defective" for nearly four decades, but enforcement of the requirement has been haphazard. A 1995 Supreme Court ruling barred the federal government from forcing states to provide the data, and 18 states — including Delaware and West Virginia — provide no mental health-related information to the FBI at all. Both Virginia and Maryland do provide the data.
Paul Helmke, president of the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, a group favoring tighter firearms controls, said the most optimistic estimates suggest that even the FBI's expanded list is missing 4 of every 5 Americans who have been ruled mentally dangerous to themselves or others.
"If people realized how weak our system is in terms of background checks for people who are dangerously mentally ill, they would be shocked," Helmke said. "It's clear that there could be another Virginia Tech killer buying a gun today, and there's nothing that can be done about it."
I disagree, I think concealed carry permit would end that crazy shootin' up a school thing real quick. Of course, then suicidal Cuckoo birds will just take other innocent people out by ramming themselves into other cars or trains. There will be fewer shootings though. An armed society is a polite society.
The number of states reporting mental health data to the FBI this year grew from 23 to 32, officials said. Reminder, there are 50 states in the Union, kids. This is just over HALF the states participating. So you better hope the Cuckoo bird doesn't live in an adjoining state and decide to go on vacation for his murder-death-suicide-shoot-em-up-that'll show-'em spree.
"Instant background checks are essential to keeping guns out of the wrong hands, while still protecting the privacy of our citizens," (uh except for Virginia Tech *sshole...) Atty. Gen. Michael Mukasey said in a speech announcing the numbers in Park City, Utah. "But as we learned in the tragedy at Virginia Tech, the checks must be accurate and complete to be effective. We're making progress, and I hope that even more states will submit this information."
The Virginia Tech deaths, which resulted from the deadliest campus shooting incident in U.S. history, have prompted a push by federal and state lawmakers to improve voluntary reporting by the states of those covered by the ban.
House Democrats reached an agreement earlier this year with the National Rifle Association on legislation meant to encourage states to submit timely background check data to the FBI, by offering monetary awards and threatening penalties.
"Our position has always been that those who have been adjudicated as mentally defective or a danger to themselves or to others or suicidal should not have access to firearms" and should be added to the FBI's list, said NRA spokesman Andrew Arulanandam.
The measure passed easily in the House, but it has stalled in the Senate due to a hold by Sen. Tom Coburn, R-Okla. He has said he opposes the legislation because its implementation would cost too much and because it lacks a mechanism to challenge inclusion on the list. He was joined by some veterans' groups, which argued that former soldiers might be denied gun-owning rights without due process. (Whoa, are you suggesting that veterans are nuts? Or just gun nuts?)
Mukasey highlighted the expanded FBI list during his first public speech after being narrowly confirmed by the Senate three weeks ago. He also told the National Association of Attorneys General that Washington would continue federal assistance for local communities struggling against rising violent crime rates.
But let's review - a Korean National, who was nuts but not SUPER nuts was able to get a gun. They've added some people to a list that is supposed to keep nutjobs from getting guns. Gun control works, as long as it works? What? My head hurts. I think I'm going to goto the firing range to think.
And Greg "proof that if your ego gets big enough, it can actually generate a second person" Gumble made me want to stab my eardrums out with an ice pick. Chris Colinsworth was refreshing compared to the most obvious and late play-by-play offered by Gumble.
Oh, and for those of you who still do not have NFL Network - You don't know that they're also broadcasting the Patriots final "16-0?" game of the season on Dec. 29? Well now you do.
Also in the Sporting news - How much would you have to be paid to listen to Kobe whine for another year? How about 2 years? Phil Jackson said $24 million. Yeah, I low balled it too.
And for real work time killers follow the link to view police videos of Tony LaRussa’s DUI arrest. Complete with all sorts of wobbly drunken goodness.
And on Tuesday Gatorade inventor Dr. Robert Cade, 80, passed away. His remains will be cremated, and his ashes will be dumped over a winning coach to be randomly selected. So be on the look out for that.
Nov 29, 2007
Scabby McScab is a Dick - Update
Several people said Daly circled the Burbank lot before entering a gate with no pickets.
Adam Waring, who has written for the sitcom "," said he and two other writers dashed around a corner to intercept aly.
"We stood in front of his car, and he told his driver to keep going," Waring said, adding that protesters had to move out of the way.
"Last Call" was the first late-night show to resume production since the strike began on Nov. 5. The walkout has also idled production on many scripted television series.
Daly has defended the move, saying he still supports the writers but did not want to see all 75 members of his staff and crew lose their jobs because of the work stoppage.
Protesters at NBC carried signs reading, "Please Don't Cross" and "Carson Daly Please Support Us."
Among them was Joe Medeiros, 56, head writer on the "." He said union members were disappointed with Daly's break in solidarity.
"All the other late-night hosts are holding firm," Medeiros said. "That's what they need to do to solve this in a timely manner."
He's a strike breaker. That's all there is to it. I WOULD say boycott his show - don't tune in... but, it's Carson Daly. If you're watching that spud scab head, you're probably not a daily reader of Blasphemes.
Remember when that little pud wacker was going to be the next Dick Clark? Now he's just a dick.
Best SNL Ever and why You'll Never See It.
In front of 150 audience members in a tiny Manhattan theater were the only folks in the world to witness a totally new "Saturday Night Live" episode starring guest host Michael Cera and musical guest Yo La Tengo.
Anyone who tuned into NBC was subjected to a two-week-old rerun featuring Brian Williams and Feist, thanks to an ongoing Writers Guild of America labor strike.
"It was everything that's never been on the show before," cast member Kenan Thompson told The Associated Press after the show. "Sometimes it doesn't get a chance to shine, but it sure shined here."
The "SNL" cast and writers collaborated on staging the special "Saturday Night Live—On Strike!" event at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre to benefit the behind-the-scenes staff affected by the strike. The live performance was not officially sanctioned by NBC, but "SNL" executive producer Lorne Michaels, who celebrated his 63rd birthday, did attend.
"He came and saw it and laughed a little bit," said Thompson.
The performance included all the trappings of a typical "SNL" episode, such as a host monologue, musical performance, "Weekend Update" news segment and several comedy sketches—all without any commercial interruption.
"It was a little dirtier than usual," audience member Birch Harms said.
A typical "SNL" episode features about seven sketches, but the cast performed about 15 original sketches during the two-hour event. Thompson said he starred in a sketch called "Hip-Hop Whodunit," a mock game show about solving hip-hop crimes, and also appeared as a French comedian during "Weekend Update."
"They didn't have elaborate costumes or graphics or anything," audience member Risa Sang-urai said. "Sometimes they would explain things or wear wigs. It wasn't anything too elaborate, but you didn't really need it."
Tickets to the hush-hush sold at the 11:30 p.m. EST performance were difficult to come by. Many audience members were friends or acquaintances of "SNL" cast members or performers at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre, an improv theater co-founded by "SNL" cast member Amy Poehler.
Thompsen said everyone in the current cast participated in the event, except Maya Rudolph. Past cast members Rachel Dratch and Horatio Sanz also performed. Singer Norah Jones made a cameo appearance, according to audience members.
Production of "SNL" shut down because many of the stars also write the shows. The cast and writers of "30 Rock" have also planned to stage a similar live performance Monday at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater.
"Everybody's in a holding pattern right now," Thompson said of the "SNL" staff. "It's a shame. All these creative people are just sitting around. We've obviously got material we're waiting to unleash on the world."
Or, the question is begged - how bad was it? if a show sucks and no one sees it, does it still suck?
To be fair - I have heard that this was staged in order to feed the crew - so if that's the case, it's all actually pretty damn cool.
I said I need a Spin Doctor in here! Stat!
"I know that everybody who hangs the flag up in their room like that is not racist," said Thompson, who has played up his southern roots while campaigning in South Carolina. "I also know that for a great many Americans it's a symbol of racism."
Thompson added that, "as far as a public place is concerned, I am glad that people have made the decision not to display it as a prominent flag, symbolic of something, at a state capitol."Except in South Carolina... Ah the McCain mis-step. Not a dance card you want to accept.
Is it me or is Fred Thompson just winging it out there? Is he even a serious contender anymore? Maybe he was better off on that day job -- that's shut down for the strike... hmmm... guess he didn't have anything better to do after all. Nevermind, carry on.
My only comment is that if you were a better politician, you would have seen this coming - and not stepped in it. It's a "Have you stopped beating your wife?" kind of question.
Quick, someone call a Spin Doctor!
Baseball fans' love of their sport reduces concerns about the impact of the Mitchell Report on drug use or the fate of , (MLB) Commissioner Bud Selig said on Wednesday.
"We've had this steroid cloud, as it's been referred to, for the last four years and every year we break all-time attendance records and we'll do it again next year,"
And not more than half a day later - the CEO of NFL network calls football fans 'losers'. (link) Of course, if you actually read the article - you realize that it's a play on words to get people like myself to write him up as an *sshole. However, he is right. If you don't have the NFL Network with your rabbit ears, Comcast or what have you -you will not see one of those 'most important games of our lives' on Thursday Night Football tonight. (Yeah, guys, I'm pretty sure that game was last month? Pats-Colts? Anyone? Anyone remember that? Even Killre wrote about that...?)
In a match-up that no one would have ever dreamed having such weight and suspense - Green Bay and Cowboys - went to the usually piss poor game Thursday night for the new NFL Network. No one batted an eye before Favre slurped on some baby embryonic stem cells and turned into a 28 year old. And then there's the love affair with 10-1 Tony Romo... it's possible that this game will look like the final round of the play-offs is what this game is shaping up to be. And hardly anyone is going to see it.
The issue is that a) if anyone had known better, no one in their right mind would have let this game on a channel that hardly anyone gets b) the fight over carrying the NFL Network plays out like a Cook County board meeting... boring, but a lot of name calling. I think they're both wrong - but the cable channels don't have as much a stake say, as opposed to carrying a NHL game, that they're producing and have the rights to air... see the hypocrisy there?
c) re-read a. They probably assumed their package was as limp as ESPN's Monday Night Football... Which reminds me- did you catch MNF? Steelers and Dolphins. I really thought I was watching a college game for quite some time. Amazingly bad.
As for me? I've gots me the DirecTV HD DVR SuperMassive Hole in yer Wallet package hook up - so I've got it covered.
Nov 28, 2007
Inappropriate Race Card played in Cook County Insanity
And then BLAM! There it is! The Race Card played! ... for no good reason.
"Budget would pass 'if Todd was a white man'"
Commissioner William Beavers said "if Todd was a white man, he wouldn't have half these problems," further alleging "this is a remake of the Harold Washington days" at City Hall, where racially fueled votes often ended in 29-21 decisions.
"Who's gonna control the county -- white or black -- that's all this is," he said.
Beavers railed on that one of Stroger's top critics, Commissioner Tony Peraica, "hates everybody who's black ... all black elected officials," going on to say Peraica used to beat up black people growing up in the Bridgeport neighborhood.
Peraica and others say the comments are not only untrue, they're born of a desperate frustration that Stroger can't pass a 2 percentage-point sales tax hike or other increases.
"Todd Stroger's credibility -- which has nothing to do with race -- is at a low ebb," Peraica said. "He needs to build up that credibility."
Even Commissioner John Daley, a Stroger ally, was surprised by Beavers' words, defending Peraica. "It's wrong for anyone to play the race card," he added.
Yet, prompted by a reporter's question, Beavers yelled not to forget that he's "the hog with the big nuts and I'm gonna tell you what it is."
When commissioners voted to make cuts to county Recorder Gene Moore's office, cuts Moore said he supports, Beavers implied Moore wasn't smart enough to understand the cuts and Republican commissioners must have used racial intimidation to get him to agree. (or MAYBE common sense, that the increases are WRONG without making cuts, or even a budget for anyone to see BEFORE the increases are asked for? Nope, that ain't it - Quick play the Race Card!)
Name-calling continued as Commissioner Liz Gorman, county Republican Party chairman, ripped into fellow Republican Peraica unprovoked, reading from a list of insults, calling him a "loser," "pathetic, pathological liar," an "abusive weasel" who is "no man," and an "ineffective leader" who has "no substance."
A shocked Peraica said Gorman has "no self-respect" and her attack was "abominable" and "despicable."
Then, Commissioner Joseph Mario Moreno joined in and called Peraica "a jerk."
The attacks were the most noteworthy thing to come from a nine-hour meeting designed to help fill a $239 million budget deficit. About $1 million was cut Tuesday. Oh man! Wipe the sweat from thy brow! A whole Million out of a 3 BILLION dollar budget! Wow! Better get another box of erasers for the next meeting gang!
Though Todd 'Urkel' Stroger wants to pass his $3 billion budget by Friday, even he conceded that's not likely. He said commissioners are "afraid" and need to show "common sense" in approaching the budget. Allow me to translate, drop a pair and pass my Crazy 888 increase, damn it!
Commissioners will meet again Friday. I don't know anything about Peraica. Maybe he's a Klan Grand Wizard or something? What the hell do I know? I'll tell you this much - It looks like everybody is blaming him for being some sort of tattletale on the playground. "You're taking away our Crazy 888 M! Because of stupid Peraica, we have to be accountable for all that money! He went and told the voters on us! Whah! "
I have to say, that who knew reporting on something as stupid as the Cook County Board meeting would have generated so much entertainment? It's all fun and games until someone looses an eye, my gym coach used to say. Maybe it was my dad. All I know is that I wasn't allowed to cry unless it was bleeding or broken.
Playing The Race Card
I've seen the Race Card used many times. I've seen it used effectively when it needed to be played to force true justice. I've seen it overplayed, and become watered down. I've seen it used when it absolutely should not have. I've sen it used in the wrong game (Mr. Michael Vick- I'm talkin' to you!).... and then there's this time.
Todd can't get his budget passed because his budget is wrong. He's asking for more of MY money when he can't account for the money he's already TAKEN from ME. His ability to get a budget passed has nothing to do with the fact he wears glasses, is right handed, or has two brown eyes, okay, Mr. Beavers? And to compare the Late Harold Washington and Todd Stroger is a great injustice to the memory of a man who actually lead people, and worked very hard to be and keep the position that he held. Shame on you Mr. Beavers. Shame on using Harold Washington and Todd Stroger in the day, let alone comparing the two. Your race card ought to be revoked.
New Indiana Jones Picture
Nov 27, 2007
Scabby is not the first talk-show host to go back into production. Ellen DeScabgeres, who is a member of the union, has continued taping her daytime syndicated talk show after shutting down the first day of the strike. But "Last Call" becomes the first to break ranks among the late-night shows, which all had chosen to air repeats rather than tape new shows without their striking writers.
Johnny Carson - no relation to this jackass, as it's his first name, not his last - broke the line in the '88 strike, but wrote his own gags. It's remembered as the time where there wasn't as much polish in his shoes. But that was Johnny Carson - not fuggin' Carson Scabby Daly. Who the hell is up at 12:30 Central to watch him!? Who cares? After a rerun of Leno and a rerun of Conan - does ANYONE watch this show? Maybe his mom - who tapes it on her soap tape - on VHS.
Perhaps they think this is their big chance to beat everyone back on the air. Like that time Krusty the Clown was broadcasting in the National Defense shed. Now's my chance for that 10 share! Good luck - if this Scab is writing anything - you're better off watching the Magic Bullet ad, (which I'm told is quality television!)
I hate the fuggin Eagles, man...
Legend has it Satanism is at the song's center - but Henley insists the lyrics are merely an observation of life in America in the 1970s.
He says, "It's so boring. It's basically a song about the dark underbelly of the American dream, and about excess in America which is something we knew a lot about."Case in point - "Life in the Fast Lane" (same album) is about the exact same thing - proving, once again, that the Eagles, in fact - suck.
"Come on, man. I had a rough night and I hate the fuggin' Eagles, man!"
Why is Trent's Leaving?
PETERSBURG, Ky. (AP) — Northern Kentucky's Creation Museum is 'evolving' into a larger facility. Thus, one of my favorite punching bags gets another post. Thanks Creation Museum!
The museum will add 663 parking spaces, outdoor canopies and a maintenance building and will move its main entrance as part of a $500,000 upgrade, according to a report in The Kentucky Enquirer.
The controversial museum, which uses literal interpretations of the Bible to tell the earth's history, welcomed its 250,000th visitor five months after its opening on Memorial Day. The museum had expected to get 250,000 visitors its entire first year. That's 1/4 of a million people, folks. My guess is that some of those numbers are inflated, as many people had to come back - because it is very hard to read all those hard words on the placards.
Adam and Eve from the Creation Museum - Looks to me like Eve likes it on top? Where's Lilith? I mean, if you're going to make Evangelical pr0n... go all the way - not that limp Skin-a-max garbage.
Bill Hicks once said, ""In many parts of our troubled world, people are yelling 'Revolution!'. In Tennessee they're yelling 'Evolution! We want our thumbs!"
Nov 26, 2007
Sometimes, you just don't need those fancy polls and whatnot. You just need the Capn.
Here's the latest "news" to be found on Yahoo:
Democrat would lose to all major Republican candidates, according to a hypothetical election matchup poll Monday, reversing her months of dominance over potential 2008 challengers.
The Zogby International poll was the latest sign that withering attacks on the former first lady were chipping away at her opinion poll leads just 38 days before the Iowa caucuses, the first party nominating contests.
In the new survey, Clinton trailed42 percent to 38 percent, former New York by 43 percent to 40 percent and former Massachusetts by 43 percent to 40 percent.
She also lagged behind former Republican by 44 to 39 percent, and former by 44 to 40 percent in hypothetical general election matchups.
Clinton's top Democratic challengers would still beat their hypothetical Republican rivals in potential 2008 contests.This validates my point about Rove, it validates my thoughts on this stuff since I joined up here on this here Blasphemes deal. I have said that ANY of the Republican fellows could beat her in the national race. I don't know when, search for it. I ask now, how is this crap news? The country voted for BUSH over Longfellow -er- Kerry. The country hasn't come together to teach the world to sing the Coca-Cola song. Why would anyone think that Hillary can or would? She represents everything that is wrong with the Democratic party right now, and until now - right now - the minute you're reading this - has anyone bothered to think that through. and however
I have been waiting for Al Gore to take the stage. It's his time, and he's due the trumping of the Clintons (both of them) who threw him under the bus in 2000. I even support him to take the DNC nomination. Mostly for the humor factor.
Now it's up to Obama and also Edwards to get off their hands and go for the jugular. Don't hold back for the VeeP spot - you don't want that anyway... especially if you're going to loose with Hillary on top.... ewww... going to have to go back and edit that last sentence...
If you disagree - go on, start a flamewar with me. I'm working slow as I'm still recovering from that damned flu bug. Remember, you gots to show your work.
Obama, not a gun nut
Obama: My wife sees need for rural gun ownership
It must be deer season, as it seems everyone was talking about guns in the last week. Fred Thompson said the gun show he attended was "Heaven." I think Rudy had the best question to the question of the Second Amendment. When asked about the right to bear arms, he asked the question back, "do you have a criminal record?" He asked a second question, "are you mentally imbalanced?" [Response, 'no'] "Good, then I don't have a problem with you having a gun." And of course we all know that the Republicans won the coin toss to be 'in favor' of us having a Second Amendment.The Democrats always call tails.
Barack Obama may actually be gaining and beating Hillary at the moment. (but you can't rely on Iowa polls - since the electorate there can change their mind up until the last moment... no really, I posted something about that earlier this month) Obama is asked frequently about his stance on gun control, er, that is, how he reads the second amendment and gun ownership.
When asked, he said that his wife, Michelle, had said that she could see why rural folks might want to own guns.
"We should be able to combine respect for those traditions with our concern for kids who are being shot down. This is a classic example of us just applying some common sense, just being reasonable, right? And reasonable would say that lawful gun owners – I respect the Second Amendment. I think lawful gun owners should be able to hunt, be sportsmen, protect their families.Okay, Michelle is against kids blowing kids away in class - my answer to that, arm everyone. Or at least be prepared. Remember that kid with the mental disorder who no one would take responsibility for at Virginia Tech? The Korean nut job who thought he was in the Matrix or something and killed everyone in a lecture hall? How did he even get a FOID card? He was a Korean national, right? The Constitution doesn't apply to aliens, only US Citizens. Anyhow, somehow Cho acquired two illegal firearms: a small-bore .22-caliber Walther P22 semi-automatic handgun and a 9 mm semi-automatic Glock 19 handgun - not exactly the kind of caliber to blow down doors. How come no one threw a book or an iPod at Cho? It would have made him flinch and the class could have jumped him. Or a person could have. Might have. It's just not the sort of thing the victims were even capable of thinking of.
Of course, little kids get killed in gang crossfire while playing in parks and playgrounds in Chicago all the time - but you only read about those stories, and even then, buried in the back of the Metro section. Usually page 5 or 6. A pregnant woman was shot in front of her other children this Halloween. Chicago also has a ban on handguns... You know who else is from Chicago?
"And by the way, Michelle, my wife, she was traveling up, I think, in eastern Iowa, she was driving through this nice, beautiful area, going through all this farmland and hills and rivers and she said 'Boy, it's really pretty up here,' but she said, 'But you know, I can see why if I was living out here, I'd want a gun. Because, you know, 911 is going to take some time before somebody responds. You know what I mean? You know, it's like five miles between every house.'
Let me get this straight, Michelle, if roving gang members are rolling on their way to Fields of Dreams, it's perfectly okay for Farmer Bill to blow them away in this home invasion scenario you're working on here - but if I do it in the city limits - that's not kosher? And let's be clear about something - Farmer Bill is calling 911 for a medical emergency - not home invasion. What the hell is his gun going to do... oh, maybe you're advocating the right to die?
"So the point is, though, we should be able to do that, and we should be able to enforce laws that keep guns off the streets in inner cities because some unscrupulous gun dealer is, you know, letting somebody load up a van with a bunch of cheap handguns or sawed-off shotguns and dumping them and selling them for a profit in the streets."
Maybe if you didn't outlaw the guns, there wouldn't be a profit margin on those guns? Has your wife considered that? Perhaps if we had a real drug policy instead of the un-ending war on drugs there wouldn't be profit motive in keepin' the sales regions enforced? But banning guns solves these problems... Michelle?
Nov 24, 2007
Kenny vs. Spenny
If you never lived in a fraternity house, and then never lived with one of those guys after college - this is a chance for you to catch up with all those memories that you missed out on. If you did, then here's a chance to relive the nightmares.
What's the show? Basic, simple, balls out competition. Why? To win, and also to subject the loser to Humiliation - of the winner's choice. Such as... making out with an old lady on a park bench. Excellent.
But Cap'n, you might ask, what sort of competitions are we talking about? Games of skill and chance? Nay! This is way BETTER - Games of pure will!
Here the description of the one I caught:
Who Can Eat More Meat?And, yeah, it was sick! It was grotesque! I even had the flu, and was already sick, and got sick again. I was also laughing my ass off!
Hold on to your stomachs for an all-you-can-eat carnivorous bloat fest: whichever guy eats more meat is the winner. Kenny, a pig by any definition, summons the gluttonous gods and gorges like never before, while Spenny chooses the more methodical approach of eating, exercising, resting and moving his bowels.
Some of their upcoming episodes: First Guy to Get a Boner Loses, Who Can Blow the Biggest Fart? Who Can be Tied to a Goat the Longest? First Guy to Stop Singing Loses, Who Can Commit the Most Crime?
Come on! That's comedy!
The best part is, I feel that somehow I know these guys. Maybe they're a combination of characters that I've known and lived with - hell I might even be one of these douche bags. All I know is that this is the most retarded, juvenile, scategorical, asinine, (I'm not even going to mention the portions which were completely fabricated) and pure genius.
UPDATE: The Boner episode "First Guy to Get a Boner Loses"-Yeah... Not so much.
Labels: Product placement
Nov 21, 2007
Giving the Troops the Bird
George W. Bush: Kinda a no brainer but there are a few reasons to have him top the list. On his last visit to Iraq the president presented a beautiful turkey straight out of Martha's Stewart's Food for Photo Ops (image right). This was awesome except for one thing. IT WAS A PLASTIC TURKEY.
He pardons fucking turkeys. I know it is tradition but "Scooter" should be in jail. Undercover assets are important in fights against terrorists. Losing them can't sit well. Complicit cover-up certainly won't.
He's a moron. It's funny on the Daily Show watching him mangle the English language but I bet it is a lot less funny when your life depends on that scrambled brain.
Hillary Clinton: Three words: Yadda Yadda Yadda. I got ten bucks says she never sits quietly and just watches football. I got ten bucks saying she talks 50% of the time at the table. I Got ten bucks saying that if she shows me how to properly hold my fork again I will stab it in her eye.
John McCain: "Yes, Mr. McCain, we do know that you were a POW. . . I'm sure it did suck. . . Oof, no food, no water, beatings, left in a cage, solitary confinement. . . What? . . . Yea, I know exactly what you are talking about, we do it to our own prisoners now except now we call them sandniggers instead of gooks. . . . Hey, let's play the hold the breath game . . . I am sure you are very good at it, Senator."
Richard Cheney: "As a little twist, today we are going to shoot you in the face unless you stop starting wars. " The worst of them all. Knowing he is responsible for this. Knowing that he knew there were no WMD's, no AQ (then, anyway), and proceeded to hold up photos claiming that whatever we were looking for must be here because look, the face of the Virgin Mary. I don't think she was a lesbian.
I just saw this. To recruit soldiers, the military offers bonuses to join. The rumor was that they were asking for money from injured soldiers back since they did not fulfill their obligation. Today, the military clarified and it seems only the UNPAID portion of the bonus will be kept. See, fairness.
It's almost Turkey day, dear Blasphemes reader. And I've got the flu. This happened to me once before. Only that time, I had mono. I'm pretty sure they both suck since I won't be eating. On the bright side, I doubt I'll have to hang with the in-laws. Minor consolation. With any luck, there will be a James Bond marathon on Spike or something? One can hope. Guess it'll be time to finally break into that DVD collection. Godfather or Lord of the Rings? Hell, I could probably get them both in. Anyhow - here's some stuff I've been holding onto to celebrate Thanksgiving.
Lame Duck pardons Turkey, or "I find your lack of faith disturbing..."
I don't know any Indians who would want that. Not even Asian Indians. Asian Indians? Yeah, that came up at a corporate meeting. Didn't know how to respond, especially since Indians from India were always Indians. And to use 'Asian' Indians suggests that Native Americans isn't the preferred nomenclature. I decided to keep my mouth shut and let that racist time bomb go off in their seat. Ironically, the issue was created by an African American.
Look at those smiles on Sesame Street. God, how would you brine that Big Bird? In a swimming pool?
Yeah, it's another kitchy frozen Turkey dinner picture. It's probably what I'll be having... on Saturday. Ugh. On the bright side I don't have travel plans or much work this week. That and since this Turkey Day travel will be the busiest ever. Just like last year and every year before that. Yeah, thank God I'm not traveling. Oh, and Snow is predicted in Chicago. That'll make some interesting Thanksgiving travels around the country. (link to Turkey Day Travel)
Nov 20, 2007
I have nothing against consumerism, capitalism or even blind devotion to the free market society. All that said, you'd have to pay me a significant amount to camp out in a parking lot, wake up early and fight the crowds just for a chance of some marginally good deal.
My hatred of crowds and "spanners" is legendary.
What's a spanner? The group of people (old ladies, young women, family, teenagers, fat people, tall people, whomever) that spans 4-6 people abreast and lopes along chatting, browsing, meandering while blocking an entire aisle. These people are also on sidewalks in front of me - all the time.
It's infuriating when they're completely oblivious to the fact that anyone is behind them... enraging when they just don't care.
If I ever snap and whack an old lady upside the head, you can bet she was a spanner.
Nearly as bad are the wobblers... individuals who do the essentially the same thing, but by wobbling side-to-side looking at each side of an aisle.
I don't understand their utter lack of awareness of anything going on around them. I just say "pardon me" in a firm but polite tone while simultaneously forcing my way through them with my cart.
However, if you ARE going to camp out and bear the rush of people who are shopping for ten dollars off last year's LCD flat screen, here are some thoughts:
Black Friday Tips:
1. Avoid digital cameras in general. You can do better online.
2. You almost can't go wrong with the widespread deals on GPS.
3. Those Polaroid TVs from Wal-mart are cheep, but you read this site and should know better.
4. Best Buy's doorbuster 40" Samsung 1080p TV
? Similar deal at Sears, I hear.
5. Where's Apple? Here's Apple. No word on their deals yet.
Labels: black friday
Nov 17, 2007
Bush to Host Gores
Joining the most awkward dinner party since Darth Vader, Han and Princess Leia met on Cloud City, when Dr. No invited James Bond to dinner, Spencer Tracy and Sidney Poitier, or when your sister brought her African boyfriend to Thanksgiving just to try to give your dad one more heart attack... George Bush and Al Gore.
Bush will host the American winners of this year's Nobel Prizes in the Oval Office on Nov. 26 -- including the winner of the Peace Prize, former Vice-President Al Gore, according to a report in the Washington Post.
Moreover, reports the Post, the White House took great pains to accommodate Gore's schedule -- moving the event after a conflict was discovered. All this and a personal call from the president to his former rival for the highest office. So no, he WILL NOT be able to decline.
"The president wanted to call him and lock that in and make sure he's going to be able to come," said White House spokesman Tony Fratto. "He also offered his congratulations and said he looked forward to having him here."
There is precedent!
Bush invited Jimmy Carter to the White House to celebrate his Nobel Peace Prize in 2002. This invite came on the heels of the former president criticizing Bush about his ramping up for war in Iraq. Keep your friends close - enemies closer?
The current invite to Gore breaks an apparent deadlock in relations between the two men.
According to the Post report, Gore has not returned to the White House since leaving as vice president. Because Gore thinks Bush is a "doodie-head" or something.
Nov 16, 2007
- Sirius Satellite Radio boss Mel Karmazin on an epiphany he had early in his radio sales career.
Labels: media comment
US of MLB
Feel free to click on it to make it pop up more bigger.
Right away, I looked at the White Sox territory and also the vast unincorporated areas, and Florida, and wondered if the map maker was lazy or being funny.
Having spent time in Florida, I'm pretty sure the locals are unaware of the sport. Perhaps there were a couple fans here and there, but after the Marlins won the series, there wasn't a lot of merchandice in the grocery stores. And, yes, crap in the grocery store is how I judge the fan base of any given city. In Florida, they could be cricketers for all the team spirit lacking in the local Snack Shacks. Let's face it, if you're not selling disposable Bic lighters with a team logo sticker on it, or a T-shirt with proclaiming your first baseman's greatness - your town doesn't care. If you visit Chicago, please stop by our many Jewel foods and marvel at the mounds of Cubs/Sox/Bears wear... and we haven't won shiznit.
And speaking of - the map above doesn't take into consideration all the Chicago transplants around the country, or the poor souls who have WGN Superstation and adopted the team. I guess in that unincorporated area, if your choice is the Cubs or the Braves, they've just opted out? Highly unlikely.
And looking closely at the Yankee territory, I know that's just filling in spots. I don't know anyone in Buffalo pulling for the Yanks.
So then I found this - (link to the site)
This is an actual accurate map of fan affiliation due to scientific surveys and what not.
I encourage you to goto the link. There you can select a 'circle' of 'mile radius' and see what fans live in the area of the circle you place on the map.
Someone in Chicago is a Nationals fan, for instance. See - learn something new everyday. Must live in the mental ward... but THIS map is accurate....-er. Still big gaps, but it looks more like a bad disease than draped on team logos.
Oh - Bonds was indited or somejunk. I think I might have discussed that for the entire last mufuggin' year! Please feel free to search for what I already might have said about it.
Nov 15, 2007
The Package, is the biggest property tax hike of Daley's 18-year tenure. The Package has higher taxes on beer, wine and liquor, a new 5-cent tax on bottled water and increased water and sewer fees.
The most controversial item was the $86 million property tax increase, which passed on a vote of 29-21.
Daley, who has bristled at even the slightest opposition to past spending plans, paid little heed to opponents during the long debate on the council floor and laughed as he congratulated the aldermen who supported the property tax increase. He said they had done the "heavy lifting" for the entire council. "If you don't have weightlifters, you have chaos," Daley said afterward.
Ald. Isaac Carothers (D)(29th) started the weightlifting theme, using the slogan "no pain, no gain," in justifying his support for Daley.
"This is where the rubber meets the road," Carothers said, reminding aldermen that most of their votes are on routine matters such as putting up new stop signs. "This is really where it counts. It counts now." And he went on to blabber some more with some quips he picked up from Milton Berle's Private Joke File. Probably some verbal garbage from Yogi Berra too.
Ald. Joe Moore (D) (49th) said the tax increases would weigh heavily on the poor and the working-class residents of the city. Especially since all the rich people will leave as soon as the housing crisis is over. He mentioned a couple of the scandals posted on Blasphemes: from the rigged hiring process to the Hired Truck program to inspectors taking bribes, CREATED the need for these tax hikes.
"Nothing has eroded public confidence in our local government more than the constant drumbeat of criminal indictments and convictions of people who have enriched themselves at public expense," Moore said. "And nothing has made the public more cynical than the endless string of broken promises to end business as usual in city government.
"How many bottles of water must be sold to pay for the $12 million fund created to compensate victims of the city's rigged hiring system?" Moore added.
I like this guy! He pretends to care real nice-like.
Ald. Toni Foulkes (D)(15th), whose campaign was almost entirely funded by organized labor opposing Daley in the election, voted against the budget and the tax increases. She said she hopes the administration doesn't retaliate. "I've also been told if you vote against it, you won't get your services, and I really, really hope that's not the case," Foulkes said. "Because I've got some angry people back [in my ward]." Guess what, Toni? Yeah, you're going to have to personally take the trash out of the 15th ward. But thank you for trying!
Daley said aldermen who opposed the budget wouldn't see a change in services to their wards. Then, I guess, he laughed some more? I wasn't there. I'm mostly cutn'dapastin' here.
Daley II said he hopes that he won't have to raise taxes again during this four-year term, which started in May, "unless we have an earthquake or something . . . something outrageous happens."
Although officially the city says it is increasing the property tax by $83.4 million, the ordinance approved Tuesday raises the levy by $86.5 million, to $833.49 million from $746.96 million.
The difference, city officials say, is that $3 million of the increase will be used to pay off debt previously issued on behalf of City Colleges.
In total, the budget raises $279.6 million in NEW revenue. That's NEW over what they're already rakin' in. And don't know how to account for what they've already got.
Helping to bring in the new money will be a 5-cent tax on bottled water that the administration projects will raise $10.5 million while addressing environmental concerns and encouraging people to drink tap water. This is the big compromise I predicted over the 10-cent tax. Now we should feel real warm and fuzzy that it's only 5. I feel empty. The best part on that one - it's just water bottles. Not soda cans, Gater-aid, coffee cups... just water. It's to cut down on the landfill waste. B-S. It's to line your pockets.
The Illinois Beverage Association and other interest groups promptly issued a joint statement calling the new levy "an onerous and discriminatory tax that will be paid for by consumers." That's you and me. Not the IBA.
The budget also includes higher taxes on beer, wine and liquor. Seven cents more will be levied on a six-pack of beer, for example, bringing the total city tax to 16 cents. So when you go to a neighboring state to fill up to avoid the obnoxious gas tax - be sure to pick up a six pack or a case.
A monthly surcharge on telephone bills will double to $2.50 to pay for the city's 911 center. Water and sewer rates will also rise, costing the average homeowner another $45 more a year.
While the budget is long on higher taxes, it is short on new programs and services. No kidding - they're still paying lawyers to fend off the Federal probes.
It does call for hiring 75 new police officers, although that has been pushed back until later in the year as a cost-cutting measure. Well - that's the first one I've heard about. We'll hold the purse for THIS?!!
In his budget address Oct. 10, Daley called for expanding the blue-cart recycling program from 80,000 household to 211,000, but the rollout was later pulled back to save money. The administration has not put a number on how many households they now hope to reach next year with the program. Again, B-S. We'll have to talk about this one sometime.
The budget also funds the creation of the controversial Department of Compliance, which critics say will undermine the corruption-busting authority of Inspector General David Hoffman. The spending plan does include additional staff for Hoffman's office, although not as much as the inspector general had sought. Only in Chicago can you create more corruption while fighting corruption. Gotta love it. Honey, back the U-Haul up.
Part of the reason Daley sought to increase the property tax in the name of supporting the library system is that the current tax levy, which used to include library funding, has become consumed by city debt and employee pension costs. It sure as hell ain't books. Have you been to a city ly-bary? I've seen better selection and quality at the thrift stores.
Ald. Leslie Hairston (D) (5th) supported the budget, but she agreed the city has to get a handle on spending in the coming years. "If we don't show some restraint in the future, the taxpayers are going to rebel," Hairston said.
I say, they're just going to leave. Have you been to Detroit? Yeah, a lot like that.
stolen from the Tribune - original comments by Cap'n
In 2005, Pennsylvania federal Judge John Jones III handed down a stunning decision that, at the time, most thought would take down the intelligent design movement. But American creationism doesn't die. It just adapts.
It's amazing to me that the Creationist movement has evolved and adapted, but their thinking has not.
A while ago, when the courts deemed creation science -- proto intelligent design -- a religious view and not constitutionally teachable as science in public schools, it adapted by cutting God off its letterhead and calling itself "intelligent design." The argument for I.D., and for "scientific creation theory" before it, is that evolution isn't up to the task of accounting for life. Given biology's complexity, and natural selection's inability to explain it, I.D. thinking goes, life must be designed by a, well, designer. I.D.ers skirted any mention of God, hoping to avoid getting snagged on the First Amendment's prohibition against promoting religion by arguing that I.D. was just a young and outlying science.
In the Pennsylvania case, Kitzmiller v. Dover, Judge Jones ruled that if you want to teach intelligent design in science class, first you have to show that it is a distinct species from its earlier, creationist form, not just a modified type. You've got to show us the science part.
Besides, Jones declared, your intelligent designer is obviously God.
The six-week trial -- the focus of a Nova documentary, "Judgment Day: Intelligent Design on Trial," aired Nov. 13 -- addressed a host of heady questions. What is science and how does it work? Can evolution account for the diversity of life we see on earth? What is religion? Can science say anything about the existence of a creator and still be science? It also examined the motivations of a local school board that tried to smuggle creationism into its high school biology curriculum. The judge's decision -- that I.D. was not science and that the school board was trying to promote its members' own religious views -- was followed by a short period of shock from the I.D. community. But now they're reorganizing and is now attacking Evolution through the expanded coverage of the controversy.
(Here's all of it)
Nov 14, 2007
News: By a group of former Sunni Insurgents.
Interesting: The Sunni group asked the US military to stay away.
Blasphemes: The Washington Post buried it on page A10.
(story, if you're interested)
The Islamic Army in Iraq sent advance word to Iraqi police requesting that U.S. helicopters keep out of the area since its fighters had no uniforms and were indistinguishable from al-Qaida, according to the police and a top Islamic Army leader known as Abu Ibrahim.
Abu Ibrahim told The Associated Press that his fighters killed 18 al-Qaida militants and captured 16 in the fight southeast of Samarra, a mostly Sunni city about 60 miles north of Baghdad.
"We found out that al-Qaida intended to attack us, so we ambushed them at 3 p.m. on Friday," Abu Ibrahim said. He would not say whether any Islamic Army members were killed.
That's almost interesting - until you know how Iowa actually 'votes' for their candidates. It's the most confusing thing in American politics since the electoral college.
Instead of traditional polling boxes, the Iowans meet at precincts - schools, churches, gathering spots. They do this every two years, but no one gives a rip until the Presidential 'preference' caucus. They vote, caucus attendees propose planks for their party's platform, select members of the county committees, and discuss issues important to their local organizations.
The Iowa caucus does not result directly in national delegates for each candidate, like just about everyone else. Instead, Iowa caucus-goers elect delegates to county conventions, who elect delegates to district and state conventions where the national convention delegates are selected. That's a lot of meetings. Bored yet?
The Republicans and Democrats each hold their own set of caucuses subject to their own particular rules that change from time to time.
Republicans pretty much have theirs in a hat, and the Democrats make it extra complicated, with gravy on top.
The Democrats sit in areas for their candidate.
Then, for roughly 30 minutes, participants try to convince their neighbors to support their candidates. It is not known if threats or body checks are allowed. Each preference group might informally deputize a few members to recruit supporters from the other groups and, in particular, from among those undecided. Undecided participants might visit each preference group to ask its members about their candidate.
Cutndapasted: After 30 minutes, the electioneering is temporarily halted and the supporters for each candidate are counted. At this point, the caucus officials determine which candidates are "viable". Depending on the number of county delegates to be elected, the "viability threshold" can be anywhere from 15% to 25% of attendees. For a candidate to receive any delegates from a particular precinct, he or she must have the support of at least that many caucus participants in that precinct. Once viability is determined, participants have roughly another 30 minutes to "realign": the supporters of inviable candidates may find a viable candidate to support, join together with supporters of another inviable candidate to secure a delegate for one of the two, or choose to abstain. This "realignment" is a crucial distinction of caucuses in that (unlike a primary) being a voter's "second candidate of choice" can help you.
When the dust settles, a head count, and then they tell the party... and Dan Rather jumps up and down and spouts blather for half the night.
Shake the Bear
Whenever you're given this statement - you really have to question things and raise, at the very least raise the yellow flag. I did not.
"Shake the Bear? Ever seen it?" he asked in a hushed whisper.
"No, what is it?"
"Viral. You gotta' see it."
There was a computer on the boardroom table. The laptop had internet access. The guy asked around to see if he could use the internet. Specifically, if it was on the company's servers, or if it was on someone's Wi-Fi card or something. A yellow flag. Probably inappropriate for office viewing? Perhaps, because so many companies restrict streaming video, he wanted to see if his time would be wasted looking something up. Maybe he was just being polite to see if he could borrow this particular laptop?
Access was granted, and the laptop was personal, and free of corporate IT oppression.
Others gathered around the table. He typed in "Shake the Bear."
The first results were for "Shake THAT Bear."
"No - that is not it."
People were interested. Lot of build up now.
Then it happened.
I'm not going to link it, I'm not going to tell you to Google it, I'm not going to tell you anything about it, other than it is absolutely NSFW - that is, Not Safe For Work.
It will also, probably, make you go to hell. A part of your soul will go away. It will make you feel less of a human being afterwards.
At least I took the time to warn you.
Boston Celtics have won their sixth straight game to start their season. ESPN is already chattering about how they're going to match the 95-96 Bulls 72-10 record. Sure... They won six games, let's not start talkin' trash about the Dynasty Bulls just yet. Maybe if their Big 3 stay healthy, Boston could possibly make it. I say that they wouldn't make it out of the second round if they were in the Western Conference...
Some blog listed Clemens, Matsui among the names on Mitchell list. It was also mentioned on an XM sports talk program - even though the rumors seem to be growing out of control - IF the public can get their hands on the Mitchell report, it won't be until after the New Year. If there are suspensions (probably not) 50 or more players out could make for a terrible spring for most of the clubs.
Oh, and Grossman's back. And as much QB drama that the Bears have, it ain't nothin' compared to the Panthers. Another note - I'm lovin' the Dolphins really sucking like a vacuum cleaner for some reason. Oh, I know why, because they could potentially blank an entire season and the 72 team might finally get eclipsed by Tom Brady wonderhouse, do-no-wrong-team.
Now that I think about it, Boston is the anti-Chicago right now. World Series, NFL Dynasty, and the Celtics are good again. What's in the water in Boston?
Nov 13, 2007
Did all three headlights come on?
Great pictures too.
He's bound and determined to get that lug nut off
Best to use tools when loosening lug nut
SOUTHWORTH, Wash. - A man trying to loosen a stubborn lug nut blasted the wheel with a, injuring himself badly in both legs, sheriff's deputies said.
The 66-year-old man had been repairing afor two weeks at his home northwest of , about 10 miles southwest of , and had gotten all but one of the lug nuts off the right rear wheel by Saturday afternoon, Deputy Scott Wilson said.
"He's bound and determined to get that lug nut off," Wilson said.
From about arm's length, the man fired the shotgun at the wheel and was "peppered" in both legs with buckshot and debris, with some injuries as high as his chin, according to a sheriff's office report.
"Nobody else was there and he wasn't intoxicated," Wilson said.
The man was taken to Tacoma General Hospital with injuries Wilson described as severe but not life-threatening.From Yahoo - agunnut sent that into me. Thanks.
Nov 12, 2007
It's also really hard to not call them hypocrites. Actually, no, that was VERY easy!
Two wounded British soldiers walk arm-in-arm with a wounded German prisoner (left) towards a dressing station.
Falling Flags around Hillary
Then, on Sunday, everything started falling down around her.
After a very Presidential-esque news conference - Clinton turned around to leave the reporters and their peppering questions. A staffer swooped open a curtain, and chaos ensued. Four large American flags came crashing in front of Senator Clinton as she headed for the door. In a controlled panic, the staffers and the Senator attempted to catch the flags before they fell to the ground.
"I think the bases are not weighted enough." Clinton said as she propped flags back up. One of Clinton's aides quickly summoned the advance man in charge to assist in the crisis.
Clinton's spokesperson shifted back and forth between the cameras and the flag commotion before looking right at the cameras and saying "thanks everyone."
There were no planted questions to worry about, but on this Veterans Day - the flags dropping all around the Senator created quite a stir among the press before Clinton fled the scene.Thanks to reader 'Nevermind' for sending this our way. Remember your Veterans today, kids.
Labels: Hillary Clinton