I pledge my blind, unquestioning loyalty to the large, heavy piece of cloth, dyed in two bright colors and one frankly rather neutral one, that symbolizes the numerological makeup (past and present) of The United States of America, and to the Republic --which they keep telling us is a democracy even though it clearly isn't, but telling us that it is tends to keep us intellectually sedated and, in turn, makes it far easier for them to continue consolidating their power-- for which it flaps its frayed ends wickedly in the rain-soaked night, tired and alone and forsaken and faded and wet and unraveling but, thank goodness, at least it isn't burning!--- one nation with a colony that Mexico is trying desperately to found on its soil, under Jehovah (First Amendment be damned) and Symbology and Numerology and Hypocrisy and rampant, unchecked, blood-in-the-water Corporate Capitalism and a President who is "uh unahter, not uh divahder," with libration, not liberty, and the suspension of habeas corpus for all. Must be 18 or older. No purchase necessary. Void where prohibited. Not valid in all states.
(1) This post was inspired by comedian Doug Stanhope. Those of you who perceive the influence of George Carlin are, uh, probably right, too.
(2) Why, yes, as a matter of fact, I do like using obscure and archaic words. How did you know?
(3) No, that isn't a typo.
(4) Bud "Dag" Selig must go.