May 30, 2006

The Undocu Drama

I see aliens. I see them everywhere I go.
I saw one last week in Reno wearing a t-shirt. Black, with white block lettering. It said, "Not Hispanic... Not Latino... Mexican."

Okay, Jose, whatever you say.
Got a question for ya, though: Is that a statement about heritage, or citizenship?

Because if it's heritage, I'm confused. Y'see, the political correctness gestapo --like Greenpeace workers in nicer clothes, shrill and just a little bit crazy-- have been lurking behind every corner for years, poised like hungry dogs, waiting to make evil hexing gestures and screech "Racist Pig" at me should I dare to call you "Mexican" out loud. I mean, if you say "Mexican" is the proper term, I'm fine with it. Just let them know about it, too. Okay?

If, on the other hand, you're making a statement about citizenship... Well now, that --in the words of Lawrence Sanders-- is an equine of a different hue.

A couple of weeks ago, I heard a very obsequious, lawyerly type on one of those prime-time, cable news shows say that he...

Huh? What's that? Obsequious? Well, normally I'd let you go look that up yourself, but today you're in luck. I just happen to have a copy of "Killre's Glossary of Perfectly Good Words That Nobody Ever Uses" right here on the desk next to me. Let's see, now... ostentatious... obstinate... ah, yes, here we are...

obsequious (ob-SEEK-we-us) an adjective used to describe certain people, usually men --usually, in fact, salesmen of one sort or another-- who apparently think they have ten times more charisma than they actually do. Symptoms of obsequiousness include smiling a little too much --and a LOT too broadly-- and using generic, pseudo-familiar forms of address like "buddy" or "my friend" in, like, every sentence they utter.

Now, then, as I was saying: A couple of weeks ago, I heard a very obsequious, lawyerly type on one of those prime-time, cable news shows say that he could never use the word "illegal" to describe all the Mexicans that have chosen to --shall we say-- spend an extended vacation in the U.S. "They are not illegal," he said, tears in his voice but not on his face, "they are undocumented."

I beg to differ, mi amigo.
I know people who know people who know that if you go to the right street corner in San Jose, California --or Laredo, Texas, or any one of a hundred other places throughout the southwest and, probably, the nation at large-- I know that if you talk to the right guy and pay the right price, you can secure documentation that will make you look, on paper at least, more American than I will ever be... and I was born in Indiana! So stop playing semantic games. They are not "undocumented." They have documentation up the ying-yang... illegal documentation.

Besides, trespassing is illegal... and that's essentially what's going on here.

(To be continued.)
P.S... Bud "Three Dollar Haircut" Selig must go.

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